Thursday, October 30, 2014

Pick and Choose

I spend a lot of time every day asking myself questions.

Do I really want that croissant?  Will I still be able to button my pants if I eat that croissant?  What is going to happen with Ebola?  If I am going to die of Ebola anyway, why not just eat the stupid croissant?

Etc.

This type of internal dialogue is what gets me through the day. I have perfected my, "Oh, of course I'm paying attention to what your saying. You are so INTERESTING. Please go on." face so that I can happily talk to myself inside my head while people are blathering on about....well, frankly I have no idea what.

Lately, my internal questions have been focused around happiness (hence all the french pastry references).  The two questions that have kept me wondering are points I think it is important for everyone to consider:

How many things do you do every day because you feel like you have to?
How would your life be different if you focused on doing only the things you wanted to?

I do lots of things every day because I feel like I have to.  Wake up and go to work. Put on pants that do not allow me to plow an endless stream of croissants into my face. Act friendly moderately friendly tolerant towards people I do not enjoy speaking to. Save money.  Research health insurance options. Drink water instead of vodka soda coffee. Some of these things are important in the long run. Some, I am coming to realize, are simply an excuse to remain in a whirlpool state of moderate dissatisfaction.

"Oh, of course I'm not that happy.  I have to (fill in this blank with some annoying activity) every day/week/month/whatever."  

In considering this conundrum, I have reached the following ideal:  

I would like to be happy, immediately in-the-moment happy, 80% of the time.  Even at work. Even talking to people I don't enjoy. Even if I'm tired. 

The other 20% I will be satisfied participating in activities that I believe have the potential to make me happy in the future (actively attempting not to lose my job, picking a good health care package, collecting my birth control pills thyroid medication from the pharmacy, etc)

This may take some life tailoring.

Step 1:  Actively consider the activities that make me unhappy. For me, this is anything that causes stress.  Measure their importance and the amount of time spent on these activities.

Step 2: Actively consider the activities that make me happy. For me, this may involve reading books, resting and (gasp) having fun at work with the 100 students I teach every day.  Instead of making them think life is a series of serious, boring meetings.  (Which, side note, if you're not careful, it is.)

Step 3: Organize my time so I spend more of my day on the things that make me happy. "Work smarter" as they say, and get unpleasant things over with quickly.

Step 4: Reassess.  Are the activities I picked causing me long term happiness?  Is there stress from anything I am leaving undone?

In celebration of the fall, I am going to embark on this little experiment.  The 80% experiment. Deep breath (because they make me happy, duh). Wish me luck. 

Always Be Nice

...even when you don't like the person you are talking to.  Even when you're bored and hungry and late for something.  Even when the November doldrums set in and instead of being nice you are just desperately trying to get from one cup of vodka wine coffee tea...yeah...tea to the next without losing your mind. Why, you ask?  Well, funny enough I have been asking myself the same thing lately (the above scenarios are not simply a matter of blog-land fiction).  Here's why I think it's important to be nice:

1. It's good for your blood pressure. When I am having a pleasant conversation with someone, I notice my breathing slow down and my whole body relax.  When I am annoyed, I tense up and get all squinty-eyed like a feral cat (not a good look--in addition to high blood pressure, it gives me meanness bags around my eyes that no Chanel cream can wipe away).

2. It's attractive to be nice.  People notice how you behave.  If you are smiling and being friendly, even though you would rather be ripping your toenails out with a dull knife than listening patiently to some idiot explain (insert dim, obtuse topic here), people want to talk to you.  OTHER people. Interesting, possibly cute/rich/intellectually stimulating single men type people.  So smile and look attentive for 5 minutes.

3. Nice is fabulous.  The goal is to be fabulous.  Mean is kryptonite, the anti-fabulous, the wrinkly, bitter, haggard older sister of fabulous that people simply tolerate.  Everyone wants to be around nice people. And one day you might stop being such a b*tch and decide you want some more friends. So suck it up and stop being so condescending.

More advice on HOW to be nice (EVEN in winter, EVEN when hungover, EVEN when the salesperson at H&M won't let you bring all your damn clothes in the fitting room) are coming soon. Stay tuned! 

Friday, October 17, 2014

Passion vs. Busy-ness

Tim Kreider recently wrote an opinion piece for the NY Times titled "The Busy Trap".  If you are too lazy to click the link (or if you clicked the link but got distracted by the Prada handbag Scientific American popup ads...), you can read my summary below:

People create busy-ness for themselves.  Busyness is an annoying, distracted state that allows people to focus on being annoyed and distracted instead of processing any real information or real life experiences.  Mr. Kreider makes a particularly striking and beautiful point about feeling like he has to shout over the self-imposed hysteria of "busy-ness" in order to make simple plans with friends.

The idea of busy-ness taking the place of real experiences resonates with me as a stressed, type A New Yorker in a tremendous way.  I recently moved across the ocean to escape the busy New York life style and, guess what?  The lifestyle followed me to Spain! I've become so accustomed to filling up my days with activities that I continued on the same trend almost immediately the second I set foot on European soil.



Here's the problem: It's easy to be busy.  It's difficult to be SATISFIED with your life and feel you are pursuing worthwhile activities. Fulfillment does not come from filling up the hours on your calendar. Fulfillment comes from enjoying the activities you pursue both personally and professionally.



I have made a decision to stop seeking out busy-ness and start seeking PASSION. Basically it was either that or grind my teeth into dust trying to keep up with an impossible schedule.  I had a flash of blinding inspiration and realized I quite like my teeth, so getting out of the stress-ocean of busy-ness was the logical choice. Mediterranean Sea of Passion, here I come....


To start seeking passion, I have a 3-step plan (In my defense, I cut it down from 5 to 3 in the interest of distillation and "un-busy-ness")

1. Slow down.  It is important to breathe.  Every minute of every day.  It is difficult to breathe when you are simultamously e-mailing, texting, eating a snack, drinking a coffee, booking a flight to Brussels, crossing items off a to-do list and talking on the phone.  I am going to focus on doing one thing at a time and doing it SLOWLY in order to enjoy my e-mail/text/coffee/sense of satisfaction with my to-do list.

2.  Pick and Choose.  In our world of continuous, endless streams of information, it becomes continually more difficult to prioritize.  Just because an activity is listed on the internet, or a new recipe comes up on glamour.com NYTimes Cooking Blog, doesn't mean I need to participate.  I have activities and routines I enjoy (and it took a long time to figure out what they are).  I want to let everything else go and focus on the things that make me happy.  This step may be pretty intense, because picking and choosing the things that make me happy mean I need to alter my lifestyle.  There will certainly be more written about Step 2 as I have time to reflect (see below).

3. Reflect.  The power of reflection is part of the beauty of life.  It is that quiet time when deep, surprising connections are made.  It's important for the brain and the spirit. It is the essence of the Mediterranean Sea of passion.  Just sit and look and clear your mind....everything else can wait.



Sunday, October 5, 2014

Multiple Intelligences

For those of you not lucky enough to be high school teachers or possibly work in human resources, you may not be aware of Professor Howard Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligences. Gardner, a long-time Harvard professor, applied his his ivy league mind in the early 1980's to describing what exactly it is that makes people successful at being human beings (noting perhaps, that even at Harvard there were "smart" people that were not able to communicate or "poor" people that were somehow able to pass the admissions testing...etc). His efforts are summarized below:


Obviously, it seems possible from reading skimming this information that there is one more than one a person can present themselves as intelligent.  Educators generally use this information to create lessons that appeal to a large variety of different types of learners. A student who is not interested in reading a passage may be interested in drawing about it, your children may not have ADHD HSD ASTMS, etc, they may simply excel in a type of intelligence that is not measured with normal school testing (but if they have trouble concentrating in school before age 3 you should obviously still get them tested for heavy medication, otherwise what will you talk about with the other parents?). 

What type of intelligence do you think you excel in?  It's interesting that after reading this list, a person can often suffer through a few minutes of introspection and classify themselves better in regard to their intellectual strengths and how they learn.  





Friday, September 12, 2014

Interesting Questions for Friday Happy Hour

Friday afternoon happy hour is important. It is a chance to get to know the people that you work with on another level.  This, in turn, WILL allow you to work better with them.  If you use happy hour to your advantage and make sure people like you.  And you know what people like at happy hour? Interesting conversations!

It is the curse of the Friday afternoon happy hour--the awkward conversation with the boring coworker.  Luckily, my co-workers are fabulous (hi, co-workers!) but for those of you not so lucky, happy hour is an important time to be well-versed in your communication skills.  No one wants to talk about work and if you don't have something interesting to say you will just sip your cocktail through that teeny wrinkle-inducing straw, feeling stupid and boring in equal measure. Friday afternoon is NO time to feel stupid and boring.  Save that sh*t for Monday.

Here are some conversation starters that will allow you to truly relax, seem interesting and avoid talking about work:

1) What are you doing this weekend?  
If they say nothing, keep at it.  "Oh, just relaxing, that's so nice. Do you have a good book to read?"  They are, in fact, doing SOMETHING this weekend, you just need to dig a little to find out what it is.  Think of this conversation like a treasure hunt, where the treasure is dragging moderately interesting information out of people.

2) Did you learn anything new/interesting this week?
Someone asked me this during lunch one day recently, and I was blown away by the level of conversation this simple question allows for. You could also ask a variation, like "What was the best/most interesting part of your week?" to avoid the short "No" response popular with boring people.

3) Have you ever been here before?
Who knows, you might get a funny story out of someone. Again, if they say no, don't be deterred, continue with something like "Where do you like to hang out?".  Remember, they have SOMETHING to talk about, you just have to figure out what it is.

4) Do you want to play a game? 
Get your mind out of the gutter. Suggest a stupid word game like "Would you rather" or "Live, Vacation, Never Go" (the clean version of "Screw, Date, Kill").

5) Did you read the article/see the exhibition/hear about the guy who....?
When all else fails, start talking about yourself. Think about something you read or did recently or a story you heard.  Remember, YOU are interesting and fabulous.  Find something to say.

When all else fails....
In really desperate situations, excuse yourself with decorum simply by saying "Excuse me".  Maybe they are having a bad day or trying to hit on the bartender and you are in their line of eye contact. Who cares? You don't need to suck down your drink to make up an excuse to leave.  Seriously, those straws give you wrinkles. And at least you tried. And hey, tomorrow's Saturday!


Saturday, September 6, 2014

Happiness is...

Hi readers,

For what it's worth, I've had a challenging month.  I packed my life up into some suitcases, moved to a new country where I don't speak the language, found a new apartment and started a new job.  The changes have left my head spinning at the end of most days and given a new depth to those all-important 3 little words: emotional roller coaster.


I am generally a very happy person.  This month has tested my ability to stay happy in the face of massive, decisive life changes. I have never been so uncertain about my direction, my ability to succeed and the general strength of my character as I have been while walking, tired and alone down (beautiful) foreign streets, single and trying to fit in with an entire new culture worth of people.

I've been reflecting a lot on my happiness.  I realized, more than anything else, happiness is a choice.

Happiness is a choice. 


The all-powerful wizzard of Oz (aka Arianna Huffington) absolutely nailed it with this article.  The suggestions features editor Carolyn Gregoire gives are all wonderful.  Take the time to read it!  Or, read my budget interpretations below, in my newly created, hot off the presses fingertips...drumroll please.....

HAPPINESS OATH

1.  Self-Reflection
I will not be afraid of self-reflection and I will always try to end reflection in a place of joy
2.  Laughter
I will laugh at least once a day, preferably at a time when I would rather scream or cry
3.  Presence 
I will live in the moment so I can enjoy time as it passes
4.  Relationships
I will cherish my family and my friendships
5.  Self-Respect
I will sleep well, exercise well, eat well and be thankful towards my beautiful body for all it can do 


What would you add?  Take away?  Comment below : )

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

New Job Anxiety and How to Overcome It

New things are scary. Just think about the last time you moved or switched hair stylists or the first hipster outfit you bought...scary scary scary.



As any fearless, fabulous, modern woman knows, scary and exciting are like Max and Caroline on 2 Broke Girls-they like to travel hand in hand, Laverne-and-Shirley style, shoving their skinny faces with amazing cupcakes. In other words--to have an exciting life, you need to grab scary for a high school make-out session and live out of your comfort zone.


A new job is the ultimate scary/exciting experience. By definition you must put your comfortable, fuzzy-blanket past behind you, step on some professional stiletto-clad toes, and unequivocally start over. There is no 'oh maybe I will come back to my old job with a drunken 3 AM phone call' wavering that stigmatizes leaving OTHER things behind. A new job is total sink or swim territory. 
So, how do you do it right?

Seeing as I'm starting a new job TOMORROW, this topic has been heavy on my mind. Here is some of my best advice:

1) Be organized. Make lists, take notes, write down people's names and take time to process new information. Clean your desk off at the end of the day and go through all your new papers, folders, binder clips. It will help you feel in control and will help you LOOK like you are in control, which is important because there are definitely people watching. Which brings us to point two...

2) Get there early, stay there late. Even if it's just for the first few weeks. Even if it's just a few minutes. It will help you get organized and people will definitely notice (in a good way, not like when you changed your stylist)

3) Be social. These people you are meeting, they are your new friends/work family AND a wonderful source of information about the copy machine, best lunch spot and the things the boss loves and hates. The best use of your time (after, of course, you get organized, which you will do early/late) is to be friendly and get to know them.

4) Remember: you know what you're doing. There is a reason you got hired. Transfer any skills possible from your old work.  Trust yourself, speak up (politely) in meetings if you think you have an important question or an idea worth hearing.

5) Smile.  Seriously. Put the resting-bitch-face away for a few weeks. While you are listening to people or meeting people or washing your hands in the restroom next to someone who may own a 51% share in your company, you need to smile. A good first impression is worth a little bit of that precious collagen. 

What other advice would you give someone on their first day of work (like me, on my first day of work...which did I mention is tomorrow? Time for bed!)

Monday, September 1, 2014

Seeking a Purpose

In considering my blog (in my adorable, self-involved way), I realized I have felt a little lost lately because my writing here has lacked purpose.  I don't know who I want my audience to be or why I want them to read.  Thoughts about ex-boyfriends?  Advice on the larger purpose of life?  Useful topographic maps of major international department stores?  It's just so hard to whittle down a focus!!


Thankfully, the internet exists to help answer
such questions.  I checked out The Mimialists "How to Start a Successful Blog" and felt immediately inspired and rejuvenated. After several page redirects and some careful thought I recalled my purpose.  I want to give funny, insightful advice on life to women in their 20s and 30s.  If you don't need advice, more power to you! Congratulations! You can can download online Sephora coupons by clicking here.

If you are still with me, riddle me this: what do women want advice about?  So many things! Men. Shoes. Work. Family. Friends. Cooking. Interesting conversations. Financial advice.

How to live a more meaningful existence?  I realized I've been writing a lot about this lately.  Obviously I should knock it off and write more about shoes and cooking (for financial advice, check out Paula Pant and Afford Anything-she does better than I ever could!).  But, before I get off my #deepthoughts kick, here is one more round of advice for a more purposeful existence.

3 STEPS TO A MORE PURPOSEFUL EXISTENCE 

1) Take a Step Back.  Life is a series of moments.  If you never step back to consider how the moments are connected, it's easy to drift.  Take time to pause and reflect.  Set goals and refer to them. Don't be afraid to start out in a new direction if you feel like you're not achieiving your maximum potential.  Take it from a girl who just dropped a wonderful life in NYC like a bad habit and hopped the pond--change is good.

2) Find something big to believe in.  God.  Art.  Nature.  Facebook.  All of the above.  Find deeper meaning by connecting your random time on this planet to something bigger than yourself.  When you are drawing connections in your life, it is helpful if you have something to connect them TO.

3) Surround yourself with interesting conversation.  Yes, this means you need to read the news.  READ THE NEWS.  Go to art galleries, operas, pop music concerts, new restaurants, free book readings.  What else do you have to talk about?  Turn off your TV, unplug your computer and go do something. Hasta luego!



Friday, August 29, 2014

Secrets of Effective Communication

I don't speak Spanish. This may not seem like earth-shattering news, and until recently I never really gave it a second thought. Then, about 2 weeks ago, I moved to Spain.  All of a sudden, my lack of Spanish was quite a relevant and important part of my day-to-day life.  I am working in an American setting here and could honestly probably get by without learning much of the language, but my interactions with shop-keepers, waiters and cute boys in bars classy museums now center around my very minimal command of a foreign language.
Like every time I travel, I was immediately reminded of the other ways that exist to communicate.  Get your mind out of the gutter...I'm talking about general body language and the overall transfer of energy that happens in a conversation.  So, find some secrets of effective communication (when language is a barrier or even when its not) below:




1) Send good vibes. Smile.  Be polite. Laugh when it is obvious you are acting like a total idiot.  People respond well to these friendly gestures.  Laughter means the same thing all over the world.  Don't take everything so seriously--send out positivity and it will come back to you.


2) Gesture emphatically. Want to know where to take a right turn?  Use your hands!  Even more than that, use your body--mimic turning, point at things, make shapes with your arms...look like an idiot?  Who cares?! Better than getting lost.


3) Learn some key phrases.  Then--take a deep breath, open your mouth and actually attempt them.  Be ready to repeat step 1 as necessary--you WILL sound like an idiot. I promise.  But it's okay.  People will be happy that you are trying and especially happy about all your positive energy.


4) Refresh yourself.  Restaurants are a wonderful place to learn language.  Full or directions to ask and things to gesture at.  Your waiter is literally paid to talk to you-take advantage of them. Also, very important-restaurants tend to serve drinks.  Drink them.  They don't even need to be alcoholic (though that helps considerably).  Loosen up. 


5) Use common sense.  Walk around like you know what you are doing.  Research your surroundings. Don't go places if you have a bad feeling. Don't talk to people that GIVE you a bad feeling.  Perfect a "don't f*ck with me" look-this is universal.




See?  You already know how to order a drink!


              
  

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Practice Reflection

Oh, August.  Gazing at my gelato-cellulite dappled pale thighs in the sunlight.  Sweating profusely into my flip flops.  Squinting adorably in the bright, burning sunlight.

Clearly, outdoor activities are not a strong option.  August is a great time to practice activities that can be completed in air-conditioned rooms.  Since the gym sucks and the Kardashians are all reruns, this means I finally have time for the dreaded practice of "self reflection".

Here's the thing about self-reflection-its difficult.  If done correctly it's an intense, creative process akin to art or music.  (I suck at art and music.)  It's time consuming and requires a moderately off-putting amount of thought, especially considering you are thinking about something that ALREADY HAPPENED. I do think it's an important practice, but like other important yet annoying practices (like cooking and picking out cute, cellulite-camouflaging outfits) I believe it is best completed in a streamlined and carefully thought-out order.  So, without further ado, a (short) list of important, meditative questions for self-reflection:

1) Why am I thinking about this?
The things you want to reflect on are in your mind for a reason.  What are the core values of the actions or decisions you are considering? Why is the event important to you?  Once you can distill the values you spend time considering, you can apply them more easily to all areas of your life.
2)  Who do I want to talk to about this?
This question is helpful on many levels for me because I am a talker.  Big-time.  I am constantly searching for ways to make interesting conversation with people.  That being said, I'm terrible at talking about myself.  If I have something that I have already measured and considered I tend to be a little more forth-coming with information. Then people can HELP.  And I love help. I need all the help I can get.
3) What can I do to grow and improve based on this time of reflection?
Yes, good reflection is goal-oriented.  It's peachy to think about all the ways you can become a better person, but as useless as Brittany at a NASA convention (hey girl, you know I love you) unless you actually come up with a plan to change your life.  The magic of the to-do list.

So, in celebration of 1000 page views (thank you!) I am off to reflect on my blog.  I want this to be a beautiful, directed, creative space.  Expect improvements soon!! If there are any suggestions, please feel free to post below.




Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Addicted to Stuff

As I have been going through my belongings for an upcoming move to Spain, I've received lots of fascinating advice about stuff.  Stuff I should keep, stuff I should throw away, stuff I should plan to keep in storage, stuff that can be reused or recycled, stuff I should plan to buy in Europe.  All this talk has kept me up at night, wondering--

What would we have time to do if we spent less time buying/organizing/admiring/rolling around in/getting buried by all our stuff?  

The volume of stuff that is created, recycled, passed around and thrown away on this planet every day is truly exceptional.  As a species, we are generally obsessed with stuff-how much we have, how much others have, the qualities and advantages of this stuff versus that stuff-which of 17 brands of peanut butter is best, how many disposable cups we can accumulate or not accumulate in a day.  

We do not buy based on need. We buy based on desire.  Erica Sofrina writes about the experience of shopping in an article on care2 and says

Shopping is filling a need. It often provides a distraction from having to look at what is really 
making us unfulfilled. Instead of going to the mall, take an afternoon off and go somewhere 
in nature that inspires you.

I would like to counter and also suggest that people shop because accumulating stuff is EASY.  Commercials and Facebook advertisements tell you what to buy.  If you don't feel like going outside, you can just go online and an adorable drone robot kitten will deliver your brand new mercenary paintball turret right to your back door. No money?  Charge it!  You do know everyone else in the neighborhood has a mercenary paintball turret, right?  Stop thinking so much and just buy, Buy, BUY.  

In preparing to move abroad I want to stop buying.  More than that, I want to stop contributing to this wasteful, superficial, capitalism tornado that is tearing apart our society and destroying our planet.  I am headed to Europe with the feeling that I am good enough, my belongings are good enough and everything is going to be fine.  That feeling is not made out of my stuff. I did not shop for it.  I need surprising little in the way of material possessions to feel that way.  I actually think as I have been getting rid of stuff over the course of the week, I have been achieving a greater sense of calm. I am excited to go meet new people.  I hope they are kind and funny and interesting.  I don't really care what brand of jeans they have on.  I'm excited to walk in the parks, attempt a new language and drink (much too much) coffee in the plazas.  Here's to hoping that none of those activities will require a mercenary paintball turret.  Besos! 

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Inspiration

Inspiration: the lifeblood of creativity. Newsflash--creativity is hard work! Inspiration isn't just laying around out there with the empty 16 Handles containers on the sticky summer sidewalks of Manhattan. Where does your inspiration come from?

 I've spent a lot of time this summer considering where my inspiration comes from and I've had some surprising results. Though I love my forever home of New York City and most people consider it to be a hotbed of creative thought, I realized this summer that I feel most inspired in nature.  I find fire to be a tremendous source of inspiration. Just to be contradictory and confusing, I also find great inspiration (especially for writing) during rainstorms.  Conversations are good too-they keep the words churned up in my brain so they spill out more easily. 

In terms of creating words from inspiration, that process comes from sheer willpower.  Creation, birthing words or pictures or original thought, is not an easy process. It's difficult and uncomfortable and I can't count on both hands the number of times in the last two monthes I've taken my beautiful inspiration and simply gone on a nice walk rather than sit down and actually put pen to paper (ahem, fingertips to touchscreen).

Sustained inspiration on one topic is my latest challenge. Flashes and bursts of inspiration are great fun. Displined inspiration is another story, not just a different game but a whole new playing field. 

Crater Lake, Oregon, summer 2014

Looking at a place called Wizzard Island, it's hard not to feel creative...now to capture the story I can feel pitter-pattering around on the outskirts of my mind. 

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Creative Recreation

We are officially in the land of the long and luxurious afternoon sunshine.  The race to find an activity worthy of a summer Friday has begun.  Let your imagination wash up along the shores of the Long Island coastline and dance on the rock beaches of Rhode Island.  Summer is the time to crawl out of the skin of reality and celebrate the freedom with lobster rolls and ice-cold beer. Here are some wonderful summer recreation ideas, to inspire your inner child.

1) Summer Lake Adventure.  Having lived in the land-locked Rocky Mountain states for a transformative number of years, I appreciate the sentiment that not everyone can get to the beach.  Having visited the mountains of North Carolina, I appreciate the sentiment that not everyone wants to go.  The beach is the easy good time; the obvious blonde tossing back shots front and center at a crowded bar.  The lake is a profound pleasure; the brunette with great eyes, a wicked sense of humor and a longneck beer.  Find a lake and everyone has an activity-fishing, tubing, tanning, reading, swimming.
2) Picnic.  There is a reason people picnic in the summer.  It represents the ultimate freedom of expression. They is one trick people often overlook--create a theme for your culinary endeavor.  Every party, no matter how casual, can be improved by a theme.  Have everyone bring something they enjoy and make a gastronomic smorgasbord symphony.  Check out some ideas here. Bring lots of ice-packs and shade-inducing accessories.
3) Find your Summer Hobby.  Ideally, you should have a sport or game that you can look forward to every season.  It keeps the fat off your ass and makes you more interesting.  Some great ideas for summer are tennis, golf, bocce ball (doesn't get enough credit-check it out), horseshoes, croquet, volleyball, sailing or swimming.  Pick one that is accessible for your lifestyle and sounds interesting to you.  If you want to awaken your inner summer soul child, the best thing to do is go play.

Happy summer!




Saturday, March 29, 2014

Great (Self) Expectations

I think on some primal level, people hunger for validation.  Hence the 5 year plans, the well-scheduled days, the constant, twitching check marks on the ever-present to do list. We like to think we will look back and say, "Oh, yes--this all went exactly as I planned it."

Riddle me this, June Cleaver:
When was the last time something in your life went exactly as you planned it?

It's important to set expectations mostly so that we can macerate them in the endless, beautiful, cycling processes of daily life.  My best experiences have come from the imploding shrapnel of destroyed expectations.  In order to set this whole "Let's make a neat to do list and set reasonable achievable goals" process on fire, lets review some 21st century advice for setting expectations that you probably won't be able to meet:


Discuss your expectations, preferably with the most argumentative, aggravating, co-worker non-friend you can find. The type of people that will ask you why you would ever want to master the art of French pastry when there's a damn bakery around the corner.  Well Julia Child--why DO you want to learn how to make les petit fours??  Be prepared to hash it out and defend yourself, or modify your expectations.



Take a 180 on your expectations.  Every once in a while spend a day during the absolute opposite of what you think you want to be doing.  Trying to settle down and start a family?  Put the ovulation calendar DOWN and schedule a fancy, dirty martini dinner.  Want to be promoted to the next level at your job?  Spend a day learning the responsibilities of a totally different department. How else will you know if you're pursuing the right dream?  How will you maintain respect for your expectations if you don't challenge them?


Be adventurous in what you expect from yourself. Obviously you want to get that big work project done, schedule a girls night, get your nails done, whatever.  YAWN.  Celebrate your work deadline with a weekend skydiving trip.  Host the girls at the hot, new bar and make high heels a mandatory requirement.  If you're going to set expectations, aim high.  Better to fail in a blaze of glory than to set yourself up for a life of mediocrity.



Lose sleep. If you do not have to lose some sleep to meet your expectations, you're not trying hard enough.  You live ONCE.  Blowing your life out of the water does not happen between the hours of 9 AM and 5 PM.  Burn some midnight oil and do something interesting.

For some other great articles on expectations, check out Amanda Cristian on Tinybuddha.com

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Dating in New York City

Hi reader,
I know everyone has been dying of curiosity about how my New Year's Resolution is going. I figured I would drag out the suspense for as long as possible, which brings us to our mid-March dating update.

Dating is hilarious.  Here are my favorite new things about dating in NYC:

1) It's a casualhookup.com world. It is totally socially acceptable, and almost expected, that 20s and 30s New Yorkers meet strangers on internet dating sites and then text them while intoxicated to meet up. Dinner and a movie?  Not going to happen.  Like NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS WILL HAPPEN.  1-3 drinks depending on night of week and level of attraction. In other parts of the country, people would be arrested for prostitution if they attempted the kind of dating that everyone I know participates in here.

2) Chivalry ain't free.  Guys think its okay, in this age of women's liberation, to split the check on the first date. Newsflash: It's not. Equal opportunity payment starts on the second date. If you want there to BE a second date, cough up.

3) I'm dating your iPhone.  Youtube videos and internet memes are now a feature in my dates. Because my dates take out their phones and we sit quietly together, watching some viral grumpy cat/what does the fox say video and commenting on the banality of it all.  The banality is this: if you are meeting me for the first time and need to take your phone out for our conversation to remain interesting, just use it to dial yourself a cab.

So, while all these habits are irksome…in a "I'd-rather-be-at-work-than-here-with-this-loser" type of way…when life gives me lemons I like to squeeze them into my vodka-soda, roll with the punches and practice my sexiest, I'm-so-interested face.  Because I figure one of two things will happen:

1) If I'm doing it wrong (often) the boring guy will think I'm having a stroke and leave
2) If I'm doing it correctly (rarely) other men will flock around to see what is so fascinating. Also, to pay for drinks so I will make my irresistible, tell-me-MORE-about-your-finance-job face at them.

Either way I get to have a cocktail with only a 50% chance I'm going to pay.  Which is better odds than if I'm alone OR with a steady boyfriend OR in Vegas.  Winners all around.








Datafication

Statistics.  Moniters.  Metrics.  Whatever you want to call it, our society is rapidly becoming obsessed with crouching data. At work, we feed productivity numbers into a machine to track our progress.  WHAT progress, you may ask?  Well, don't worry about it--if the numbers are green/orange/turquoise/whatever color you set to a positive collation on your spreadsheet, you're making progress.

At home, we get e-mail updates from social media websites, comparing our ability to type nonsensical satire into the internet with the ability of everyone else in the world. I got an email from Facebook last week about my SOCIAL METRICS.  So, my social relationships should not be judged by the depth of my friendships, the value of my conversations, but by percentage lines comparing my popularity to everyone else IN THE WORLD. It's like middle school on steroids out there.

The problem with all this data is people can't process as fast as computers.  We are on a major precipice.  If we drop I fear life will start flying by in a whirl of numbers we don't understand. Fight. Breathe.  Put the fitbit DOWN you rabid data zombie!  Read The Circle by Dave Eggers (or at least read about it here.  I get it, no time to read with all the rampant Facebook posting one must do to compete in the mercurial barometer of social metrics) and consider the consequences of this rampant datafication.  Who is collecting this information and why? Post your thoughts below.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Beautiful Flowers, Rarely Seen

Hi reader,
Let's be honest.  So far, March sucks. It's freezing in New York, monsooning in LA, taxes are due in April and all any girl has to look forward to is 3 weeks of dry skin, peeling nails and the weird jet lag feeling associated with the spring time change. Total drag. In case you weren't smart and forward-thinking enough to book some time in the tropics (or least the Carolinas...) here are some beautiful flower pictures I received from my dear friend Tatiana, who runs the always fabulous Tatiana's Health and Wellness, to get you through your day. Enjoy!




Monday, March 3, 2014

Chris Wool at the Guggenheim

Hi reader,
The Guggenheim Foundation is fabulous. With locations all over the world, the Foundation promotes the understanding of contemporary art in a truly innovative and global manner. They showcase talented contemporary artists that work in a variety of mediums, including live performance.  The latest show at the NYC Guggenheim, a self-titled exhibition entitled "Christopher Wool" left me feeling creative and revived. The work is gritty and portrays a sense of punk rock, artistic poverty and  quiet, burning passion. Some pictures are below--enjoy!


    

               


















                                

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Aim to be interesting at least 50% of the time

Hi reader,
It is hard to make friends. It is the constant lament of young adulthood--where do you MEET people anymore?  Alcoholic painting classes?  Creepily complimenting a stranger in Starbucks?  Friend stealing from other acquaintances? Facebook-connecting with your BFF from nursery school?

And even if you do manage to meet some relatively normal people, it is increasingly difficult to keep friends.  Sometimes, at the end of a day of work, I don't want to go to a restaurant and discuss my feelings and sound interesting. I want to sit in a room by myself, reading People magazine and judging the life decisions of imperfect strangers. But at the end of the day, I'm always happy if I put down the Ben and Jerry's and head out the door.  Here are some things that make it easier:

Don't always schedule a talking activity.  Do something you enjoy where you can talk about it AFTER--a spin class, a museum walk, synchronized swimming, synchronized People magazine reading, whatever.

Read the news.  Or at least skim the headlines. Including the sports section.  Yes really.  It makes you more interesting.

Have some good questions.  I'm obsessed with questions.  Reflect on what is going on in your life, the world, etc, and have some topics ready to discuss. "Have you tried (insert name of $80 face cream you are thinking about buying/fun new workout/photo collage app)?  Did you hear about (try to stick to actual news events here...if you consider Jennifer Lawrence's new haircut news, that's your business)?" Don't bother with small talk questions, that stuff comes out naturally.

Balance. You don't need to be out every night.  Aim to be interesting at least 50% of the time--and buy low-fat ice cream for the other 50%.





Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Friends are Fabulous

Hi reader,
One of the things I love most about being a woman is the amount of honest thought I put into my friendships. I consider them, I nurture them, I treasure them and I watch them grow (or wither and die) with huge amounts of purpose and satisfaction.  Many aspects of my life are better when I am putting significant thought into my friendships.
As I was researching for this post I realized there has already been a tremendous amount written about the different types of friends women have.  Springboards, mirrors, toxic friends, peanut butter friends, cheerleaders, Lamborgihinis, Volkswagons, bicycles, etc etc, whatever. So instead of restating the "5 Types of Friends You NEED in Your Life" drivel, here is what it boils down to for me:

Your friends are a reflection of who you are.  Good friends are fabulous. Bad friends will weigh you down faster than 2 AM McDonalds and depress you more than the resulting cellulite. Instead of searching out certain friends and pigeon-holing existing relationships into weird, pre-defined-by-someone-else roles, here are the questions you need to periodically ask about the friends that are in your life:



1.  What do they bring to the table?  There is no wrong answer to this question. Maybe you are looking for someone who loves to go snowshoeing with you.  Maybe you are looking for someone that knows the maĆ®tre di at Per Le.  No judgement--both are perfectly acceptable desires.  As long as you feel like your friend is contributing someone that you desire to the relationships, the friendship has room for growth




2.  Are there any aspects of this person that are a total pain-in-the-ass deal breaker for you?  Keep in mind--this deal breaker, much like your secret love of Zach Efron, may only to applicable in certain situations.  The same girl who you love to call when you are looking for a crazy Saturday night may well be a disaster when you are going to a serious career networking event.  You simply need to navigate the people into the right situations in your life.

3.  Are you satisfied with your friendships?  Because odds are, you know a lot of people.  Invite one of them (a friend-of-a-friend, the new girl at work, whatever) to go do something.  You don't make new friends by reading blogs and eating ice cream alone.  Go! 

Saturday, January 18, 2014

L'Eliser d'Amore (Elixir of Love)

Hi reader,
Last night I went to see the Metropolitan Opera production of Donzetti's L'Eliser d'Amore.  Written in the 1831, the story centers around the quest of Nemorino, a young village worker in rural Italy, to win the heart of Adina, a successful farm owner.  While Adina is busy falling for an obnoxious, self-important army general, a traveling salesman passes through town peddling.....you guessed it....a magical Elixir of Love. Nemorino purchases the elixir at a premium and tragedy, confusion and comedy follow, ultimately concluding in happiness.
Now I know that passion for opera is not what it used to be and I probably lost most of you at "Written in 1831..." but if you are still following along, the story begs several questions still relevant in today's society. The most important of which:

If someone was selling something they promised would make you more attractive to the opposite sex, something that would trick people into loving you, would you buy it?  




No, you say?  What about $34-a-tube Chanel Rouge lipstick? Viagra? Prada? Rolex? Spanx? A person to write your profile on your match.com account?


The bottom line is our society is all about the capitalization of love--we attempt to buy acceptance and affection from our family members and potential suitors every day.  Our advertising-addicted culture leads us to believe the only acceptable standard is absolute perfection, and the only way to get there is to spend spend spend.



In the quest for perfection I think our society has started to value consumption above love.  That is why rapid-fire online dating has become so popular.  That is why women expect men to pay for a $400 dinner on a first date and men expect...well, something that usually involves "coming upstairs for a nightcap" in return.  In our search for something that does not exist we are losing our ability to communicate with other people in a genuine way.  No one takes the time to genuinely get to know each other anymore and therefore dates are expected to fizzle, marriages are expected to fail and no one is surprised by unreturned phone calls.

How do we come back from this abyss?  To come from the tragedy into the comedy and the eventual happy ending?  Maybe instead of feeding into the capitalistic machine of the Elixir of Love, we need to lower our expectations and focus on being kind and realistic with each other.  Go on a walk when you first meet someone.  Take the time to get to know them.  Don't expect instant perfection.  Instead, be realistic and polite--return phone calls, open doors, attempt interesting conversation, put your phone away and don't treat people as through they are expendable/replaceable/exchangeable store-bought goods. Put time into your relationships-nurture your friends, give people a second change and understand there are lots of reasons someone may be a good fit in your life, even if that person doesn't fit into your idea of the perfect friend/brother/sister/lover/mentor.

The real L'Eliser d'Amore can't be bought from some swindling, street-peddling advertising executive.  Try kindness over time.

But in a more fun vein of questioning, what is the MOST ridiculous thing you have ever boughten to make a guy/girl/family member like you more?  Comment below!

Friday, January 10, 2014

How to Give Great Advice

Hi reader,
People who give great advice are fabulous. Brush up on your skills below:

1. LISTEN.  Most of the time people can come up with their own advice/plan of action.  What they really need is someone to listen.  When your friend is upset about a fight with their boyfriend, don't spend 25 minutes talking about how much you hate their stupid boyfriend anyway.  Simply say, "I'm sorry that happened to you.  Tell me about it."  Then put away your iPhone and actually pay attention for 10 minutes. Also, offer to make tea.
2. BLANKET ADVICE.  When you speak, there are a few, well-chosen sayings and questions that are applicable in almost all advice scenarios.  They are inoffensive and encourage the advice-seeker to reflect and consider their options.  Read below:
          "What makes this situation scary/exciting/embarassing/whatever?"  The person seeking advice probably needs to sort out and organize their feelings. This question is the emotional equivalent of folding laundry and helps get all the different thoughts into their proper categories.
          "What do you think will happen now?"  No matter what the scenario, this allows a person to reflect on what they think is coming up next.  Ask, then sit back and listen (see above).
          "Everything will work out in the end.  If things are not working out, it's not the end" You could follow this up with statement 1 to sound slightly less like Eckhart Tolle.
3.  DISTRACTIONS. So distractions aren't technically advice.  Whatever. You could give the advice to be distracted, but a TRULY fabulous person will just provide distractions without even mentioning it.  Spinning. Football. Dancing. Bad TV. Whatever.  People love distractions!  For example, aren't these puppies ADORABLE?

   
                                         


Now, what were we talking about again?
SEE?
Comment below--what is some of the best advise you've ever gotten?