Friends are Fabulous

Hi reader,
One of the things I love most about being a woman is the amount of honest thought I put into my friendships. I consider them, I nurture them, I treasure them and I watch them grow (or wither and die) with huge amounts of purpose and satisfaction.  Many aspects of my life are better when I am putting significant thought into my friendships.
As I was researching for this post I realized there has already been a tremendous amount written about the different types of friends women have.  Springboards, mirrors, toxic friends, peanut butter friends, cheerleaders, Lamborgihinis, Volkswagons, bicycles, etc etc, whatever. So instead of restating the "5 Types of Friends You NEED in Your Life" drivel, here is what it boils down to for me:

Your friends are a reflection of who you are.  Good friends are fabulous. Bad friends will weigh you down faster than 2 AM McDonalds and depress you more than the resulting cellulite. Instead of searching out certain friends and pigeon-holing existing relationships into weird, pre-defined-by-someone-else roles, here are the questions you need to periodically ask about the friends that are in your life:

1.  What do they bring to the table?  There is no wrong answer to this question. Maybe you are looking for someone who loves to go snowshoeing with you.  Maybe you are looking for someone that knows the maître di at Per Le.  No judgement--both are perfectly acceptable desires.  As long as you feel like your friend is contributing someone that you desire to the relationships, the friendship has room for growth




2.  Are there any aspects of this person that are a total pain-in-the-ass deal breaker for you?  Keep in mind--this deal breaker, much like your secret love of Zach Efron, may only to applicable in certain situations.  The same girl who you love to call when you are looking for a crazy Saturday night may well be a disaster when you are going to a serious career networking event.  You simply need to navigate the people into the right situations in your life.

3.  Are you satisfied with your friendships?  Because odds are, you know a lot of people.  Invite one of them (a friend-of-a-friend, the new girl at work, whatever) to go do something.  You don't make new friends by reading blogs and eating ice cream alone.  Go! 

L'Eliser d'Amore (Elixir of Love)

Hi reader,
Last night I went to see the Metropolitan Opera production of Donzetti's L'Eliser d'Amore.  Written in the 1831, the story centers around the quest of Nemorino, a young village worker in rural Italy, to win the heart of Adina, a successful farm owner.  While Adina is busy falling for an obnoxious, self-important army general, a traveling salesman passes through town peddling.....you guessed it....a magical Elixir of Love. Nemorino purchases the elixir at a premium and tragedy, confusion and comedy follow, ultimately concluding in happiness.
Now I know that passion for opera is not what it used to be and I probably lost most of you at "Written in 1831..." but if you are still following along, the story begs several questions still relevant in today's society. The most important of which:

If someone was selling something they promised would make you more attractive to the opposite sex, something that would trick people into loving you, would you buy it?  

No, you say?  What about $34-a-tube Chanel Rouge lipstick? Viagra? Prada? Rolex? Spanx? A person to write your profile on your match.com account?

The bottom line is our society is all about the capitalization of love--we attempt to buy acceptance and affection from our family members and potential suitors every day.  Our advertising-addicted culture leads us to believe the only acceptable standard is absolute perfection, and the only way to get there is to spend spend spend.



In the quest for perfection I think our society has started to value consumption above love.  That is why rapid-fire online dating has become so popular.  That is why women expect men to pay for a $400 dinner on a first date and men expect...well, something that usually involves "coming upstairs for a nightcap" in return.  In our search for something that does not exist we are losing our ability to communicate with other people in a genuine way.  No one takes the time to genuinely get to know each other anymore and therefore dates are expected to fizzle, marriages are expected to fail and no one is surprised by unreturned phone calls.

How do we come back from this abyss?  To come from the tragedy into the comedy and the eventual happy ending?  Maybe instead of feeding into the capitalistic machine of the Elixir of Love, we need to lower our expectations and focus on being kind and realistic with each other.  Go on a walk when you first meet someone.  Take the time to get to know them.  Don't expect instant perfection.  Instead, be realistic and polite--return phone calls, open doors, attempt interesting conversation, put your phone away and don't treat people as through they are expendable/replaceable/exchangeable store-bought goods. Put time into your relationships-nurture your friends, give people a second change and understand there are lots of reasons someone may be a good fit in your life, even if that person doesn't fit into your idea of the perfect friend/brother/sister/lover/mentor.

The real L'Eliser d'Amore can't be bought from some swindling, street-peddling advertising executive.  Try kindness over time.

But in a more fun vein of questioning, what is the MOST ridiculous thing you have ever boughten to make a guy/girl/family member like you more?  Comment below!

How to Give Great Advice

Hi reader,
People who give great advice are fabulous. Brush up on your skills below:

1. LISTEN.  Most of the time people can come up with their own advice/plan of action.  What they really need is someone to listen.  When your friend is upset about a fight with their boyfriend, don't spend 25 minutes talking about how much you hate their stupid boyfriend anyway.  Simply say, "I'm sorry that happened to you.  Tell me about it."  Then put away your iPhone and actually pay attention for 10 minutes. Also, offer to make tea.
2. BLANKET ADVICE.  When you speak, there are a few, well-chosen sayings and questions that are applicable in almost all advice scenarios.  They are inoffensive and encourage the advice-seeker to reflect and consider their options.  Read below:
          "What makes this situation scary/exciting/embarassing/whatever?"  The person seeking advice probably needs to sort out and organize their feelings. This question is the emotional equivalent of folding laundry and helps get all the different thoughts into their proper categories.
          "What do you think will happen now?"  No matter what the scenario, this allows a person to reflect on what they think is coming up next.  Ask, then sit back and listen (see above).
          "Everything will work out in the end.  If things are not working out, it's not the end" You could follow this up with statement 1 to sound slightly less like Eckhart Tolle.
3.  DISTRACTIONS. So distractions aren't technically advice.  Whatever. You could give the advice to be distracted, but a TRULY fabulous person will just provide distractions without even mentioning it.  Spinning. Football. Dancing. Bad TV. Whatever.  People love distractions!  For example, aren't these puppies ADORABLE?

   

                                         

Now, what were we talking about again?
SEE?
Comment below--what is some of the best advise you've ever gotten?

Just dance

Hi reader,
Just for fun let's come up with a quick list of activities that are relevant on cold, disgusting, sleet-filled Sunday afternoons:

1.  Binge-watch reality television
2.  Photoshop animal heads on human bodies and post online
3.  Make large quantities of borscht
4.  Organize sock drawer alphabetically according to color
5.  DANCE PARTY

So, while these are all totally excellent options, obviously (as indicated by the cap-lock) I feel a particular affinity for option 5. Why, you ask?  Several reasons--

First of all, reality tv turns your brain into shallow, consumerist mush.  Turn off your f***ing tv.  Seriously.  Second, making borscht turns your hands red.  Third, I already photoshopped animal heads and organized by sock drawer (totally confused about what to do with the striped socks--under "S"?  so I had to stop).

The captain of getting weird AND dancing: GAGA

Which brings us to dance parties.  Dancing in
general is fabulous.  Dancing out in public is fun, good exercise and really the only socially acceptable reason reason to hip bump with total strangers.  Dancing in the privacy of one's own home shoebox apartment is a different kind of nirvana because you get to be SO WEIRD.  And anyone who has been paying attention understands that I really appreciate any opportunity to be weird. So a Sunday afternoon dance party it is.  Check out the Timeout dance party playlist and go bust a move already--you don't learn how to twerk by just sitting on your a** and playing on the computer.

What do YOU like to do on boring Sunday afternoons?  Comment below.

Small Habits

Hi reader,
I was just scrolling through an awesome edutopia article called Cultivating Healthy Habits of Mind (in case you were curious about how teachers spend Friday night) and I thought they made some excellent points about habits:

1. A habit is a regular practice.  You don't think about habits, they are just what you do. You can improve or replace habits you don't like, because they won't go away on their own.
2.  "We form our habits, then our habits form us" -Brain Tracy (I have no idea who this is, just giving credit where credit is due)
3.  Small habits chained together are a routine.  Be intentional about the routines and habits you choose.

In reading all this information, I had two realizations. 

1. Habits are probably important

2. I think I suck at habits

Here's the thing.  My habits are lame.  I like to exercise, I try to volunteer, I enjoy reading education blogs in my free time, I read the Post (ok, I read Page Six and skim the headlines...isn't that what everyone means when they say they read the Post?), I shop for tops that make my arms look good....next stop, loser-ville, then crazy-cat-lady-junction.

In pondering all this, I realized I need to shake things up and knock it off with my stupid granny habits.  In the past (because let's face it, this isn't the first time I've had to drag myself away from this octogenarian habit abyss) I have tried to take up painting, piano, yoga, boxing, even jewelry making.  Here are some things I have learned about habits:

-It is nice if habits are easily transferable from place to place
-I enjoy when a habit enhances my travel opportunities and allows me to meet new people
 -Once a habit become a part of the routine, it naturally seems boring (see above).  That's because routines are boring.

Mentioning trying new things...flash mob?  Yes please! 

So...drum roll please...I realized I my habit is trying new things!  Now I don't have to feel bad about my half-used supply of jewelry beads, or the fact I hate yoga, or that I suck at painting.  I'm guilt-free! I was just trying a new thing!
I'll explore different neighborhoods, learn to make icing flowers, take a language class...Groupon, are you listening?  I'll be in your commercial if you ask nicely : )
I'm off to figure out what fabulous new things I will try this week...right after I finish reading my education blog and have some tea.


Reader, what are your habits?  Comment below! Also, check out the weirdest habits EVER at this link

#fabulous

Hi reader,

So I had a big pause in my social media usage this summer and fall.  Its funny how going through a break-up can make you so much less interested in what your friends ate for breakfast/saw at the museum/did with their husbands and children.  Honestly, I really enjoyed my time away the screen(s).  Even as I'm taking my slow victory lap return to social media outlets, I still can't quite deal with the way people think they know each other because of things they see posted on Facebook, etc. To clarify: someone you have never met before in your life, who you follow on Twitter, probably should not be referred to as your friend in casual conversations.  But hey, what the hell do I know?

The point is two-fold.  First, I would just like to
say that Dave Eggers paints a excellent picture of where the social media movement is headed in his novel The Circle.  Good books are getting harder and harder to find these days (probably because all the authors now write in 140 character hashtag ebonics) and Eggers brings his classic lyrical style to a very tech-obsessed world in the not-too-distant future.

#TGIF 

Second, as I'm trying to get back into Instagram and Twitter (Facebook is dead. Long live Facebook) I find that I am forgetting the language and sounding like a big dork. Or maybe probably I always sounded like a big dork and just forgot because I haven't used the programs in a while.  It is a different, less-considered and sharper mindset...people are exposed to such a small slice of you.  I want to make my slice #fabulous, but instead I'm pretty sure my slice is #dorkyteacher. I suppose I could have different accounts for fabulous and dorky teacher, but honestly who has the energy?  And call me old-fashioned, but while most people probably just call multiple social media personalities "good branding", I call multiple anything personalities "schizophrenia".

#deepthoughts #timetogooutside

Lean In

Hi reader,
What IS it about stalking ex-boyfriends and random third grade semi-friends on the internet that eats up so much time?  Le sigh.
In the interest of finding a different, slightly-more-productive internet black hole, I have discovered www.leanin.org
As a way of introduction (just on the off chance you were living in a cave when the Lean In book came out last spring) let me post some of the author bio from the New York Times book review here:

Sheryl Sandberg has been the chief operating officer of Facebook since 2008. At 43, she has already had a storied career: research assistant to Lawrence Summers at the World Bank; management consultant at McKinsey; chief of staff to Summers at the Treasury Department; and six and a half years at Google, where she rose to the post of vice president of global online sales and operations. 

So basically, this woman Sheryl Sandberg absolutely kicks a** at every job.  She is gold standard career porn for a work-oriented gal.  The book explains, in very simple terms, how she believes it is possible for other women to kick a** at every job (albeit probably slightly less impressive, non-Ivy-League-educated a**).  Honestly, the book drones on a bit for my taste, but she does make some very important points about how women and gender roles shape the work force. 

But of course, no book should be JUST a book these days.  Which brings us to the website www.leanin.org. Let me preface this bit by saying I expected the website to be the dumbest thing available to the human public since Sharknado. I was pleasantly surprised.  Some of the "Expert Lectures" make wonderful, reasonably gender-neutral points about time management and career advancement. 

Anyway, did I mention I'm trapped inside due to a snow storm?  I'm off to find my knitting. Stay warm and gainfully entertained on this whizbit contraption we call the interwebs. 

Sing it sister...#truth #wordstoliveby #notsurethisquoteisorginal 

2014: Year of Bliss

Hi reader,

Already, not even 20 hours into the new year, I find I am struggling with how to make 2014 the best year yet. Going out to mimosa brunch and discussing (loudly, in front if small children) how to make the year suck less d*** than 2013 led to some revelations on my part.  I think bliss, much like fabulousness, is a simple question of attitude.

In order to have a wonderful year, I need to put on my best heels, smile and get ready to boogie down. When life gets in the way of my fabulous, high-heeled dance party, I need to fall back on my bliss strategies.  What bliss strategies, you ask?  Read below:

1. Deep breathes. I quit smoking 10 years ago, but I find that taking a deep breath break is still a totally integral part of most days. And by that I mean on the days I don't take deep breath breaks, I'm pretty much a total b****.

2. Mini massages at the manicure place. I've just gotten into this in the last couple years.  Specifically, when I went to get my nails done with my cousin and asked her why the hell she would waste $15 on a ten minute massage. Turns out it's totally worth the extra $15 dollars.

3. Drinking lots of water. Which would increase my water consumption from almost nonexistent to just below acceptable.  Theoretically, I have also heard this decreases snack consumption and increases pooping?  And pooping is fabulous.

4. Taking time to relax. In general I am not a hugely relaxed person, but I do love baths. And increasingly I find I love lying in bed and staring at the wall--which is either a sign that I am getting much better at relaxing...or a sign of serious clinical depression/early onset dementia.  Only time will tell....

5. Buy a new pair of heels for the boogie down. Dance parties are a totally central part of the bliss. It is impossible to be depressed while you are dancing.  Especially while you are dancing in totally fabulous shoes.

It always comes back to the shoes...

What do YOU do to keep up your bliss? Share below!