Great (Self) Expectations

I think on some primal level, people hunger for validation.  Hence the 5 year plans, the well-scheduled days, the constant, twitching check marks on the ever-present to do list. We like to think we will look back and say, "Oh, yes--this all went exactly as I planned it."

Riddle me this, June Cleaver:
When was the last time something in your life went exactly as you planned it?

It's important to set expectations mostly so that we can macerate them in the endless, beautiful, cycling processes of daily life.  My best experiences have come from the imploding shrapnel of destroyed expectations.  In order to set this whole "Let's make a neat to do list and set reasonable achievable goals" process on fire, lets review some 21st century advice for setting expectations that you probably won't be able to meet:

Discuss your expectations, preferably with the most argumentative, aggravating, co-worker non-friend you can find. The type of people that will ask you why you would ever want to master the art of French pastry when there's a damn bakery around the corner.  Well Julia Child--why DO you want to learn how to make les petit fours??  Be prepared to hash it out and defend yourself, or modify your expectations.



Take a 180 on your expectations.  Every once in a while spend a day during the absolute opposite of what you think you want to be doing.  Trying to settle down and start a family?  Put the ovulation calendar DOWN and schedule a fancy, dirty martini dinner.  Want to be promoted to the next level at your job?  Spend a day learning the responsibilities of a totally different department. How else will you know if you're pursuing the right dream?  How will you maintain respect for your expectations if you don't challenge them?

Be adventurous in what you expect from yourself. Obviously you want to get that big work project done, schedule a girls night, get your nails done, whatever.  YAWN.  Celebrate your work deadline with a weekend skydiving trip.  Host the girls at the hot, new bar and make high heels a mandatory requirement.  If you're going to set expectations, aim high.  Better to fail in a blaze of glory than to set yourself up for a life of mediocrity.



Lose sleep. If you do not have to lose some sleep to meet your expectations, you're not trying hard enough.  You live ONCE.  Blowing your life out of the water does not happen between the hours of 9 AM and 5 PM.  Burn some midnight oil and do something interesting.

For some other great articles on expectations, check out Amanda Cristian on Tinybuddha.com. 

Dating in New York City

Hi reader,
I know everyone has been dying of curiosity about how my New Year's Resolution is going. I figured I would drag out the suspense for as long as possible, which brings us to our mid-March dating update.

Dating is hilarious.  Here are my favorite new things about dating in NYC:

1) It's a casualhookup.com world. It is totally socially acceptable, and almost expected, that 20s and 30s New Yorkers meet strangers on internet dating sites and then text them while intoxicated to meet up. Dinner and a movie?  Not going to happen.  Like NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS WILL HAPPEN.  1-3 drinks depending on night of week and level of attraction. In other parts of the country, people would be arrested for prostitution if they attempted the kind of dating that everyone I know participates in here.

2) Chivalry ain't free.  Guys think its okay, in this age of women's liberation, to split the check on the first date. Newsflash: It's not. Equal opportunity payment starts on the second date. If you want there to BE a second date, cough up.

3) I'm dating your iPhone.  Youtube videos and internet memes are now a feature in my dates. Because my dates take out their phones and we sit quietly together, watching some viral grumpy cat/what does the fox say video and commenting on the banality of it all.  The banality is this: if you are meeting me for the first time and need to take your phone out for our conversation to remain interesting, just use it to dial yourself a cab.

So, while all these habits are irksome…in a "I'd-rather-be-at-work-than-here-with-this-loser" type of way…when life gives me lemons I like to squeeze them into my vodka-soda, roll with the punches and practice my sexiest, I'm-so-interested face.  Because I figure one of two things will happen:

1) If I'm doing it wrong (often) the boring guy will think I'm having a stroke and leave
2) If I'm doing it correctly (rarely) other men will flock around to see what is so fascinating. Also, to pay for drinks so I will make my irresistible, tell-me-MORE-about-your-finance-job face at them.

Either way I get to have a cocktail with only a 50% chance I'm going to pay.  Which is better odds than if I'm alone OR with a steady boyfriend OR in Vegas.  Winners all around.

Datafication

Statistics.  Moniters.  Metrics.  Whatever you want to call it, our society is rapidly becoming obsessed with crouching data. At work, we feed productivity numbers into a machine to track our progress.  WHAT progress, you may ask?  Well, don't worry about it--if the numbers are green/orange/turquoise/whatever color you set to a positive collation on your spreadsheet, you're making progress.

At home, we get e-mail updates from social media websites, comparing our ability to type nonsensical satire into the internet with the ability of everyone else in the world. I got an email from Facebook last week about my SOCIAL METRICS.  So, my social relationships should not be judged by the depth of my friendships, the value of my conversations, but by percentage lines comparing my popularity to everyone else IN THE WORLD. It's like middle school on steroids out there.

The problem with all this data is people can't process as fast as computers.  We are on a major precipice.  If we drop I fear life will start flying by in a whirl of numbers we don't understand. Fight. Breathe.  Put the fitbit DOWN you rabid data zombie!  Read The Circle by Dave Eggers (or at least read about it here.  I get it, no time to read with all the rampant Facebook posting one must do to compete in the mercurial barometer of social metrics) and consider the consequences of this rampant datafication.  Who is collecting this information and why? Post your thoughts below.

Beautiful Flowers, Rarely Seen

Hi reader,
Let's be honest.  So far, March sucks. It's freezing in New York, monsooning in LA, taxes are due in April and all any girl has to look forward to is 3 weeks of dry skin, peeling nails and the weird jet lag feeling associated with the spring time change. Total drag. In case you weren't smart and forward-thinking enough to book some time in the tropics (or least the Carolinas...) here are some beautiful flower pictures I received from my dear friend Tatiana, who runs the always fabulous Tatiana's Health and Wellness, to get you through your day. Enjoy!

Chris Wool at the Guggenheim

Hi reader,
The Guggenheim Foundation is fabulous. With locations all over the world, the Foundation promotes the understanding of contemporary art in a truly innovative and global manner. They showcase talented contemporary artists that work in a variety of mediums, including live performance.  The latest show at the NYC Guggenheim, a self-titled exhibition entitled "Christopher Wool" left me feeling creative and revived. The work is gritty and portrays a sense of punk rock, artistic poverty and  quiet, burning passion. Some pictures are below--enjoy!