Friday, May 29, 2015

Primavera Sound Festival, Barcelona

Hi readers,

Congratulations! If you read the title of this post, you now know how to say "Coachella" in Spanish. Primavera Sound Festival is going strong this weekend in Barcelona.  Quickly becoming one of the biggest music festival in Europe, the headliners for 2015 include Interpol, Ratatat, Belle & Sebastian and Babes in Toyland.  With more than 100,000 people in attendance, the weekend is epic.  I'm sure.

Personally, I am enjoying the epic nature of Primavera live-streaming on my laptop in my pajamas.  But I did go to Barcelona LAST weekend and was thinking of all the party happy and drunk serious and dedicated music fans the whole time.  I came up with a quick list of entertainment for those readers headed to the playa (the OTHER playa, you crazy burners).

"OFF THE BEATEN TRACK" ENTERTAINMENT DURING PRIMAVERA

1.  Go to La Boqueria food market.  Note: Do NOT go into the market, the place is a teeming madhouse of British tourists. Go to the side of the market, to one of the lovely fresh juice stands.  (See delicious, refreshing juice photo).  Stand in the shade and mainline coconut juice.  Seriously--standing in the sun drinking beer all day is hard work!! 

2.  Las Ramblas is a hellhole.  Unfortunately, it is moderately unavoidable--even the most dedicated Ramblas escapists will need to spend a few minutes passing through this major street.  Make a fun game out of it! "Marco polo" with screaming tourist babies and bad Spanish combover hair.  "People tag" from strangers wearing matching outfits.  "I spy" contest for weirdest couple. Get creative. 

3.  Buy some castanets.  It might be the most authentically Spanish thing you do all weekend.  Clack them together every time you see a T-shirt that in some way incorporates the word "Brooklyn".  

Have fun!! Disfruta!! 

Besos, 
Caroline


Thursday, May 28, 2015

The Baby Question (Part 2)

Hi readers,

Just back from the gynecologist! Ahhh...I love the internet.

How was the doctor, you ask?! (If you haven't changed the channel web browser internet setting by now.  It was PAINFUL!! I went to have an IUD put in.  (See "The Baby Question: Part 1" to get all caught up).

So the The Baby Question: Part 1 has been answered, at least for now.  The answer is, "Not right now."

However, after having my intelligent, friendly gynecologist jam a stick up my uterus gently and professionally insert an inter-uterine device, the Baby Question Part 2 has come to light:

HOW do women deal with the PAIN of childbirth?! 

My IUD (affectionately nicknamed "Duckers", at least for now) was approximately one-tenth of a centimeter wide and about as long as a quarter.  I had to stop Dr. Duckers TWICE during the procedure because of the discomfort and pain.  I have never experienced anything like it. I almost passed out.  Lets compare:

CALLING ALL MOMS. HOW THE F#CK DID YOU DO THAT? COMPARISON IMAGES

IUD IN HUMAN PALM


NEWBORN BABY IN HUMAN PALM



I'm speechless.  Speechless.

I was in the delivery room when my sister gave birth to her first son.  Yes, it looked like it hurt a lot.  Yes, I may have briefly taken my brother-in-law into the hallway to rough him up a little discuss the miracle of labor.  But afterwards my kind, loving and apparently completely masochistic sister said she didn't even remember the pain.  In fact, she proceeded to have TWO MORE CHILDREN IN THE NEXT 5 YEARS.  I don't even want to go take Duckers out in the next 5 years.  

Moms--I am going to start being way nicer when you are slow pushing your stroller in front of me down the street.  Two reasons:  First, I respect your birthing process. Second, if you can do THAT...I can do ANYTHING.  As long as it's not childbirth.  

What is the world did you do to survive childbirth?  Comment below--I'm dying to know.



Wednesday, May 27, 2015

How to Improve Memory

Hi readers,
The title of this post should be phrased as a question:

How can I improve my memory?
And, more importantly, why is my memory SO BAD?!

Let's work backwards through the above list of inquires.

1. Why is my memory so bad?

Yesterday...sure, yesterday existed.  I have no idea what I mindlessly searched around for on the internet important projects I completed at work. Or how much wine coffee almond milk I drank. Or what I saw on reality TV while I was out enjoying a healthy jog.  The events of 48 hours ago might as well have taken place in another lifetime.  What's the deal?  Have I been getting stupider?  Did the excessive moderate amount of "substance indulgence" in late 20's early 20's college cause such a severe effect on my mind?

I have a theory about the general decline of memory: When something is seldom used or paid any attention, it tends to fade into general obscurity.  For example:

List of Formerly Important Things That Have Fallen Into Obscurity



1.  Minidisk Players
2.  Calista Flockhart (but you look great, girlfriend! Check out photo)
3. The Cincinnati Post
4.  Moon Boots
5.  "Saved By The Bell: The New Class"





Please note, Saved By The Bell: The New Class is different than Saved By The Bell: The College Years, which I watched religiously.  Until they graduated.  You know, again.  Anyway, the point is people don't use memory as much anymore.  People used to actually commit to memory things like unit conversions, song lyrics, names of restaurants, people's fax car phone iPhone 5 numbers, plots of Saved By The Bell episodes...etc.  Now we don't need to.  We use google.  Much like eating peyote (or so I hear...), google is vastly improving one part of the human experience while simultaneously potentially destroying something else: human memory.  Which brings us to the next question...


2. How can I improve my memory?
I rode my bike home from work this week.  I know I passed by some flowers.  What color were they, you ask? Excellent question! I have no idea. In order to improve my memory I have decided I need to start consciously trying to remember obscure details about the hours I whittle away on this planet.
For example: Today I went to the Worldpress digital photography exhibition.  The countries where pictures were taken included:


Spain.  "Different Cultural Regions"
El Salvador.  "Remnants of the Civil War"
France.  "Light in Paris"
Greece "Immigrant Survival"
Venezuela "Prison in Caracas"

Ahh, I feel better already.  Double better since a) I am not in prison in Caracas and b) I didn't have to look up a single exhibit on the internet.

What tricks do you use to help your memory?  Comment below! 

Monday, May 25, 2015

Living Abroad

Hi readers,
Recently I have been in a sort of anti-fabulous funk.  It might even be referred to as feeling...ordinary.  Gross.  The kryptonite of fabulous.  I work, I cook dinner, I desperately try to make time to exercise....boring, Boring, BORING.
Deep in the wallows of self-pity and trying to consider things that may make me feel more fabulous, my mind wondered to living abroad.  The question of the day:

Is living abroad really all that fabulous?

Travelling is fabulous.  Exciting flights, new people, duty-free shopping important cultural experiences, etc.  But in order for actually living abroad to be fabulous you need to live in a fabulous place.  Obviously.  So, what makes a city/town/place of habitation fabulous?  Glad you asked!

Is where you live fabulous?  A Checklist

1.  Do you know at least 5 people who are jealous that you live there?
And if not, can you make them jealous when you talk about your life?  Maybe not everyone knows how great Oklahoma City is.  Probably they don't.  Okay, definitely--they don't.  But if you are passionate about it, people will want to come visit.

2.  Is there proximity to OTHER places for travel?  
Look at the map.  You should have at least 5 places you want/like to visit within a 3-hour range of your front door (airplane travel is fine).  Seriously, this is important.  Sitting at home all weekend is NOT fabulous.

3. Is there something fun to do?
Yes, travel is important. But sitting on your ass in the car all the time because everything is 3 hours is not fabulous.  Also, it gives you a fat ass--DOUBLE not-fabulous.  In addition to some good travel destinations closeby, there should be something enjoyable to do with 20 minutes of your front door.  Maybe you like IMAX movies.  Hey-no judgement! Where is the nearest theater?  Dungeons and dragons in the park?  Again--judgement-free zone! Where is the park? Figure it out.

4. Is it easy for you to get things you want/like/need?
This is a particular consideration of living abroad.  Sometimes there is a huge learning curve associated with the grocery stores, way of shopping, availability of English language books, etc.  You don't need to want/like/need the SAME things everywhere you live, but you do need to have access to  commercial, capitalistic things you enjoy.

5. Do you have good friends?
This can be done anywhere but might take some work.  You NEED a social circle close by.  If you don't know many people where you live, get busy looking for meet-up groups, church socials, knitting clubs, whatever.  Meet people!    

Friday, May 22, 2015

Emojis I wish existed

Hi readers!

A quick Friday list of emojis I wish existed:

10) Screaming face.  Even a screaming baby would be pretty good.  For those days when you want to convey that you just can't deal.

9) Troll.  Very descriptive for both people and situations.

8) Rolling eyes.  Maybe this would work if the eyes were looking up and off in the same direction?  See Liz Lemon photo. I would use it at least once a day.

7) Pedicure.  TOTALLY different than manicure and deserves it own emoji.  Also,
it would then be easier to convey the concept of a "fish pedicure".

6) The finger.  There is a thumbs-up. How often do you ACTUALLY give someone a thumbs-up?  Finger is very expressive without actually cursing (added bonus: no autocorrect to "ducking").

5) More of the little purple devil people.  Now that I mention it, a screaming purple devil person would be fantastic.

4) Smurfette.  Use it in a sentence: smurf-tastic.  Papa smurf would also be acceptable.

3) Making out emoji.  I get it that a sex emoji is probably too graphic.  But let's take emoji-coupledom just a little half-step further, shall we?

2) Unicorn.  The world needs more unicorns.  Just ask Lady Gaga.

1) Sitting on the couch emoji.  OBVIOUS.

What emojis do YOU wish existed?  There may need to be a Part 2 in this series.

Happy Friday!! 

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Know Your Limits

Hi readers,
I made an important decision this morning:  
I'm canceling my hair appointment.  

Why?! You are dying to know!! 

Here it is: The idea of going to sit in a salon for 4 hours this afternoon after working from 6 AM-6 PM simply makes me want to cry and I'm not going.

To you, this may sound like a relatively insignificant confession.  One hair appointment.  Sure, I may be a little scraggly looking "boho chic" looking, but that is the epitome of spring style! (Other ways to look "boho chic" include general refusal to plug in an iron for either hair or clothes and infrequent showering practices.  We LOVE "boho chic"  See photo)

However, this particular hair appointment represents something more.

I am constantly, thoughtlessly doing things 'because I said I would'. This hair appointment represents a conscious attempt to re-arrange my schedule in order to make my day more enjoyable.

When is the last time you looked at your calendar and considered which appointments existed to make your day more enjoyable?  It's an interesting, (and possibly moderately depressing) exercise.

Some appointments are important to keep as scheduled.   For example, personal training sessions and martini dates doctors appointments and meetings with my boss should probably not be moved around.   In fact, there is something moderately satisfying about having my schedule dialed in and running whole days of my week on autopilot.

But you know what else is satisfying? Flexibility! Free time!
The beautiful feeling of weightlessness associated with creating a few free hours in the day.
Maybe I will drink iced coffee while I stare blankly at the wall meditate. Or go on a walk or try a new restaurant.  The possibilities are endless!

What would you do with a few extra hours in your day today? Comment below!


Wednesday, May 20, 2015

The Baby Question

Hi readers,

Pop quiz: Do you want children?  More importantly, do I want children?!

AHHHHHHH!!!

The plaguing question of the 30-something, strong, independent woman army.  After a "cervical massage" at the doctor this morning and some pillow talk about my current sexual relationship, my new gynecologist brought up the idea that I may want to switch from a bill control pill to an IUD.  Because apparently it's inappropriate to be on birth control for 12 years.  (Seriously, it is.  It causes melasma, those dark pigmentation spots.  NOT fabulous).

Anyway, the point is an IUD will work for up to 5 years. And that sounded totally appropriate to me. I said to myself, "Oh good.  I won't have to consider having children again until I'm 36 slightly older".  Then I realized: When I'm slightly older I will be starting to get kind of old (in REPRODUCTIVE YEARS not GENERAL MATURITY) .

Is there some late twenties life station I missed where people make important reproductive decisions?  I don't even really understand how people make definitive decisions about the outfits they wear to work or the restaurants where they eat dinner.   The idea of making a decision about STARTING A FAMILY always seemed like something best left to grown-ups.  Now, it turns out, I am sort of a grown up (again, in REPRODUCTIVE YEARS).

And for right now, my answer to the baby question is no.  A firm, polite, and slightly scared-I'm-missing-out type of "no"-the same way I respond when people ask me about Etsy, or tartan jackets or Joan Didion books, or the myriad list of other things that I respect and admire but do not necessarily understand.  

What do you think about the baby question?  Comment below.



Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Change the Morning Routine

Hi readers,

At work I have slipped into a routine.  It may sound familiar:

Step 1: Arrive to "office building" (for me: high school)
Step 2: Sit down and open computer (for me: Dell, circa 1988)
Step 3: Log into Outlook (for me: don't get me STARTED on Outlook.  Gross)
Step 4: Waste 20 minutes on Outlook (for me: read forgettable e-mail and half-draft responses)
Step 5: Migrate to Google Chrome browser for continued "work" (for me: meme research)
Step 6: Bell rings for the beginning of "work" (for me: "first period")


Today I realized: 
Opening my computer obliterates my morning. 

Because when I get to my first period class, do you know what I do?
GUESS.
I open my computer AGAIN.  I open my computer approximately 37 times a DAY.  Those e-mails will still be there. The funniest Monday memes will still be there.  Useful manicure and weight loss tips professional career advice tips will STILL be there.

I decided this morning I am ready to change up my morning routine.  Here are some things I am going to try doing instead of death-marching to my little cyber-jail at 8:30 AM every day:

Possible Anti-Internet Morning Habits of "Productive Procrastination" 


1.  Stand in the hall and start a conversation with someone.  Anyone.  I will chase them down and rip out their beats headphones if I need to.
2.  Get some coffee.  Preferably iced for spring--see related/tremendously important blog post here.
3.  Go to the library (I'm not sure what the equivalent of this would be in a different work environment.  Are there newspaper stands or something?)
4.  Make up lists of words and phrases I will try to use during the day.  For example, tomorrow I think I will find occasion to say "rainbow of challenges".  I'm getting chills of anticipation already.  
5.  Go OUTSIDE.

What do you like to do in the mornings when you get to work?  Comment below! 

Monday, May 18, 2015

#killtime

Hi readers,
Nothing says HAPPY MONDAY like a heartfelt invitation to waste some time on the internet, right? So, without further ado I bring you:


Actually, there is a small bit of ado.  Here is the catch: Since PRESUMABLY you are at some type of gainful employment, and let's face it, I need more comments on this blog like Bruce Jenner needs...love and kindness during this difficult time in his life (what did you THINK I was going to say?!) we are going to have a little contest with the website.  

Here is your mission: 

Step 1: Watch no more than FIVE videos
Step 2: Comment with the number and the title of the one you think is funniest.  
Step 3: Your comment cannot be the same as the one above you 

For example: 
Comment 1: #56 Ms. South Carolina Answers a Question
(Seriously.  Watch it RIGHT NOW.)
Comment 2: #74 Pinky the Cat 
(Less vital, but on Monday, a 10 for sure)

Be forewarned: Not all are funny. Also, some must have been "too funny" because they are no longer online.  If you are one of my millions of thousands of hundreds of  special list of dedicated readers and you don't get a funny one, just don't comment. Or say something mean about the list! "All press is good press", they say.  


The prize?  Helping your dearest internet friends brighten up Monday.  "Kindness is it's own reward", they say. 

Almost Tuesday! 


How to Travel with Your Friends

Hi readers,
After an exhausting weekend in Milan, I dutifully logged into my gmail to check for update e-mails from Watch What Happens Live CNN International and quickly migrated my attentions to Rhymes with Fabulous to update the blog-world with my thoughts about fabulous Milan travel itineraries.

Then I looked on the internet. Turns OUT, there are already approximately 7,000,000 Milan travel itineraries available.  From professional travel writers (well, you know what I mean--OTHER professional travel writers)  Here are links to some great ones:


Hostelworld Milan travel itinerary
Viator Milan Travel Itinerary
Itlaylogue Milan Travel Itinerary
Trip Advisor Milan Travel Itinerary

Seriously--read the itineraries and do all those things!!  Or google "Milan Shopping Eating Wine Cultural Travel Itinerary" and do all THOSE things.  They are wonderful, magical things.


You know what I like to do in Milan?  Drink cappuccino.  Also, watch other people walk around.  Also,  draw cappuccino pictures in my journal.  Also, daydream in nonsensical half-thoughts. Also, write the daydreams down in my journal in big, slow, loopy letters.

These activities may sound familiar if you are a writer.  Problem is, I was not in Milan with other writers.  I was in Milan with normal people, who would have likely thought I was crazy if I had whipped out my journal full of cappuccino pictures.

I realized about half way through the first day of our trip that I had gotten FAR too comfortable with "writer's vacations"--the cute pet name I have for the weekends where I arrive alone in a new city and spend 3 hours every day in coffee shops, listening to people speak languages I don't understand and writing about the way their hands look while they are talking.

Listen, I love these vacations.  But trips with other people are different in some wonderful ways.  For example: I barely had to talk to myself for 3 whole days!  I went to nice restaurants and sat at actual tables!  I ordered bottles of wine and remember finishing them!

Here are some ways to ensure you get the most out of travel with your wonderful friends:

HOW TO BE FABULOUS IN SMALL GROUP TRAVEL

1) Use Air BnB.  A bit expensive when I am traveling solo, I had my first Air BnB experience in Milan and absolutely loved it! The apartment was comfortable and right in the middle of town.  We drank wine and ate snacks at home.  Someone had left cookies.  And tea!

2) Take naps.  I am a full convert to the Spanish siesta, especially in the hot months of spring and summer. There is no shame in the phrase, "Let's rest for 30 minutes."  Bonus: it tends to prevent hot, cranky fighting--a decidedly un-fabulous activity (both on vacation and in general).

3) Have an agenda.  The best idea is a specific event you are traveling for (in Milan, for example we went to see the World Expo, which I would highly recommend).  Concerts are great too.  If there is no time-specific occasion, at least have a few (seriously, 3 a day, tops) sites that you want to visit.

4) Have a "Priorities Discussion".  When you ARRIVE at Prada is not the time to discuss how many hours to spend there.  Before you depart figure out how you want to budget your time-Wine tasting?  Handbags?  City tours?  Massages?  If you plan in advance you can compromise split up so everyone gets to do what they want.

5) Research the Location.  When I travel alone, I read as I go.  For traveling with others I think its better to have a little bit of background knowledge so you can impart interesting facts.  For example, did you know there are FIVE major fashion brands with headquarters in Milan? Or that the Italian Grand Prix is held in Milan every year?  Or that the Duomo took almost 400 years to complete?  Or that the calories in tiramisu are negated if you drink an espresso after dessert?  (Sorry, just wondering if you were still reading)

Happy travels!


Thursday, May 14, 2015

Rapidfire Blogging

Hi readers,
Are blog posts meant to be written fast?  I agonize over mine!
 I consider them letters to you, all my dearest Internet friends.  When I write it is from the same anxious feeling that sits in my stomach before a first date, when I am intrigued by the hot tinder profile picture interesting text message banter and know I want to make a good first impression so I frantically read the newspaper headlines while putting on enough bronzer to intimidate an MTV deejay some classy red lipstick. 
Case in point, in 7 minutes all I have written is the above.  So, for my first attempt at rapidfire (10 20 minute!) blogging-here goes:

5 Quick, Moderately Interesting Facts About My Day

1) This weekend I am going to Milan for the first time.  With my boyfriend (none of your business if we met on Tinder, but no we did not)
2) Today I wore red pants (in a good way, I think)
3) I slept for 3 hours last night.  (3 AM-7 AM for those interested in that sort of thing)
4) ) I just visited a Raoul Dufy exhibition at Museo Thyssen.  (My favorite work I think was "The Wheatfield" for those interested in that sort of thing)
5) I used approximately 200 latex gloves at my job today (not telling why for those interested in THAT sort of thing...but you have a dirty mind and I like it)


Have a great weekend! Madrilenos-feliz San Isidro y dia libra.

Rapidfire Kisses

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Best Way to Buy Plane Tickets

Hi readers,
Today's subject: buying plane tickets.  The epitome of first-world, white-girl stress.  Read along with the following scenario:

Sunday 10:00 PM: In review of long and treacherous week ahead, count vacation day stockpile.  Realization of 10 hours accumulated vacation time.  Feeling of joy! Enthusiastically decide to go to Jersey Shore Kiawah Island for a few days.  Go to bed happily counting the calories you will consume in the next two weeks in order to fit into bathing suit.
Monday 9:07 AM: After 3 sips of iced coffee and a rapid-fire e-mail check, decide to quickly log onto Google Flights.
Monday 9:10 AM: Exclaim over amount of flights and destinations available! Question choice of location.  Research beach vacations for 1.7 hours. No flights booked.
Monday 12:00 PM-4:00 PM: Projects, lunch, meetings, etc.
Monday 4:30 PM: Set travel alerts on 16 different flights to beaches within a 500 mile radius. Leave work with feeling of great satisfaction.
Monday 8:15 PM: Nervously check flight alerts.  Flight costs have gone up an average of 17 cents. Anxiety skyrockets.
Monday 8:35 PM: Frantic online research for best hotel and flight packages.  Mainline chardonnay consumption.
Monday 10:00 PM: Shut computer in decision that vacation is not worth all this stress.
Tuesday 8:30 AM:  Settle into looming depression.  Attempt to soothe with online shopping/ Instagram.

Sound familiar? The problem with plane tickets and vacation planning is OVERSUPPLY.  There are too many choices on the internet.

CHOICES=TIME SPENT MAKING IRRELEVANT DECISIONS

AIRPLANE TICKETS=AIRPLANE TICKETS


SEE THE DIFFERENCE?


 The solution?  Quick, stream-lined decisions. Here is what the above scenario should look like:

Sunday 10:00 PM: Discussion with fabulous girlfriends about upcoming vacation long weekend.  Feeling of joy! Throw a pin at a map of the Jersey Shore to decide location.
Monday 9:07 AM: After 3 sips of iced coffee and a rapid-fire e-mail check, quickly log onto Google Flights.  Set 3 travel alerts. Think about best flight times/hotel packages for 24 hours.
Tuesday 8:30 AM:  Wake up refreshed.  Pick a flight and a hotel.  As long as you can afford it, who cares where you're going?  You're going ON VACATION.  Get your first-world, white-girl stress an iced soy latte and chill the f*ck out.
Tuesday 9:07 AM: Motivated online shopping to prepare adorable outfits.

Seriously, count your blessings that you even have a vacation.  Count your blessings that you even have a JOB given the amount of time you spend at work pretending to be a travel agent/personal stylist.  Give yourself permission to enjoy the process of planning a trip.  Anywhere you go will be amazing.  Remember--you're fabulous!

Photographic proof that all vacations are fabulous below: 

Sunset in Maine, 2014. 6 day trip.

Walk in the Park, Upstate New York, 2014. 1 day trip. 

Cliff jump, Grand Teton National Park, 2014. 8 day trip 

What trips are you planning this summer?  Comment below! 








Monday, May 11, 2015

Iced Coffee is Amazing

Hi readers,
It's been a long Monday.  Excerpts below, in no particular order:

1.  I had a meeting with my boss about the "direction of my position".  Before lunch.
2. When a friend asked me how I was doing, I burst into tears.
3.  I had 70 grade reports due. At 9 AM.
4.  When a friend asked me how I was doing, I burst into tears. (Yes I know. It happened twice)
5.  I rode a bike home wearing ballet flats.  Try it once and you will understand why it's on the list, I promise.

So, what did I learn today?  

I asked myself the same question as I frantically rooted through my apartment looking for some Valium vodka Nutella relaxing herbal tea.  I learned this readers:

ICED COFFEE IS AMAZING

Without a question, figuring out how to get an iced coffee from my school cafe (more difficult than it sounds, long story for another time) was the highlight of my day.  And when I say "highlight of my day" I mean I was able to have functional conversations for a whole 1.5 hours afterwards.  For example: 

Without iced coffee
Colleague: "Can you have that information by the end of the day?"
Me: "I am going to use my office keys to gauge my eyes out if you don't stop talking to me right now" *makes menacing gesture with office keys*

With iced coffee
Colleague: "Can you have that information by the end of the day?"
Me: "Working on it." *walks away*

See the difference?



No matter how many terrible meetings/annoying children/impossible e-mails are invading your day...just take 20 minutes and go get an iced coffee/latte/americano/whatever.  The caffeine will soothe your stress/exhaustion headache, the ice will be so hydrating/refreshing, it will remind you that it's spring and you might find someone to complain to talk to in the coffee shop.  Let's face it, you are not getting anything THAT productive done on pinterest anyway.  And it's too early to start drinking wine...



Almost Tuesday!  



Sunday, May 10, 2015

Happy Monday Morning!

Hi readers,
Last week, memes.  This week, beautiful roses. And memes. Because nothing cheers up a Monday like flowers and puppies. Have a good week!








Best Mother's Day Advice

Hi readers,
Here's the thing about Mother's Day:

DON'T GO TO BRUNCH
DON'T GO TO BRUNCH
DON'T GO TO BRUNCH


As a former waitress, I beg you, I IMPLORE YOU DO. NOT. GO. TO. BRUNCH. You know that sad, busy, picked-over feeling that last day of the semi-annual shoe sale at Saks--when people are shopping but there's nothing good left so they are half-heartedly fighting over last year's two-tone Manolo sandals?  

Mother's Day brunch in a restaurant is like if that experience were happening in a restaurant.  In hell. And instead of shoes people were fighting over the last mimosa and who's stupid idea it was to go to brunch in the first place while all waitresses hide in the serving well and sneak shots of tequila wait for the kitchen to fire 7,000 orders of Egg's Benedict at the same time.

So, instead of brunch, here's what I would recommend:

First, buy your mother a nice gift.  She crammed you out of her VAGINA for goodness sake.  Put the Target spatula set DOWN and go directly to the nearest department store.  Jewelry, expensive scented candles, spice dishes, whatever.  Mom "doesn't need anything"?  Go to a florist.  Spend at least $40.    

Second, get your gift/flowers/whatever nicely wrapped and go have a good, old-fashioned visit.  Go on a walk, or look through photo albums and laugh about the 80's.  Ask questions.  Try the ones below: 

1. What was your favorite vacation with our family?
2.  Where did you meet my father your current husband? 
3.  What was the funniest thing one of your kids ever said/did?
4. Where have you always wanted to go?  
5.  When did you know you wanted children?  

Third, take a picture together.  Every year. 

Happy Mother's Day!! 





Friday, May 8, 2015

Mercado Anton Martin

Hi readers,
If you read my last post about cooking dinner, you know I have been searching for something to eat besides the olives in my vodka some culinary inspiration.  Today, I finally went and explored the market by my apartment!  I sailed right past my usual Haagen-Daz-and-cereal skim-milk-and-eggs grocer and found the following culinary delights at the wonderful Mercado Anton Martin (Calle Atocha, Madrid):





Okay, okay-I didn't came home with "dinner" exactly.  Not unless you count cherries and organic chocolate-flavored tea as "dinner".  But I did not eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich even once today!  It's a step in the right direction.  





Stay fabulous! 










Thursday, May 7, 2015

How to Manage Stress

Hi readers,
Recently, after how-old.net told me I looked 65 carefully considering my work-life balance, I found myself thinking about workplace stress.
Work stress is anti-fabulous. It presents a rather circular problem that can be expressed mathamatically:


See what I mean? 

In addition to all the hefty botox bills, stress causes grey hair, pallid skin, fatness, heart disease and a Vegas-length buffet of other disgusting symptoms. 

So, what's a modern-day working girl to do? Here's the secret:

Don't worry about it.

Sounds crazy right? Hold on, let it sink in. 

Seriously, just don't worry about it. 

It's not that big of a deal. 

Don't you kind of feel better already?  

After careful consideration, I realized I (and, I assume, you) need to make a conscious decision NOT to give in to stress. Whenever you start to feel that throbbing stress headache/eye twitch/bitchy tone/squinty stress face/whatever coming on, mentally (or physically) step back from what you are doing and take a second to get some perspective. 

Are you involved in a life or death situation? Mostly likely you are not (unless you are a practicing cardiovascular surgeon, in which case you may want to spend less time trolling the Internet for vaguely-defined women's lifestyle blogs. But thanks for reading!) 

If you are not involved in a life or death situation then take 5 minutes to think: 

How can you replace your stress with a more productive feeling? A feeling or leadership, or curiousity, or creativity?

As a 2015 version of Ms. Holly Golightly might say: 'Put some lipstick on and get your sh*t together.'

Stress is a state of mind, same as fabulousness. You don't get to pick what happens at work (or in life) every day, but you do get to pick how you deal with it. 

Choose fabulous! 


Monday, May 4, 2015

Best Lunches for Work

Hi readers,
In my continued quest to improve my work week (See related: Pick and Choose) I took a break from looking at memes on the internet working on my lesson plans to consider the question of lunch.  I realized my lunch is very functional.  Read: I eat it so I don't starve.  I considered ways to make lunch more interesting and enjoyable and came up with the list below.

Fun up Work Lunch



1) Colorful Food.  Colorful food is pretty.  Personally, I eat salad a lot for lunch because I'm desperately trying to fit into last season's bathing suit I want to save calories for ice cream I enjoy being healthy.  but there are lots of colorful foods that are not healthy as
well, if that's your thing.  Example: Oreo's Multi-stack cookie, in support of Gay Pride.


2) A Quick Dessert.  I love the idea of eating dessert at lunch.  More correctly, I love the idea of eating dessert all day long, but having dessert at lunch is logistically the most sensible.  I find it harder to binge-eat chocolate when I'm wearing work pants, and I can just have something small, be satisfied and then get distracted by sugarpop articles amazon.com important afternoon projects and deadlines.



3) Small bites.  Talking to people at work lunch is nice! Talking with your mouth full is disgusting.  To enjoy work-lunch conversation I try to have food that I can eat in small, dainty bites.  Added bonus: one day someone might actually call me "dainty".  Double added bonus: excellent reason to spend $20 on take-out sushi for lunch!


4) A snack.  The best part of lunch?  When it continues at 3 PM with a granola bar.  Nuff said.





5) An extra portion.  Work out a lunch trade with a work friend.  Tell each other major allergies and dislikes and decide on general calorie limitations, then start to bring lunch for each other one day a week.  Because the most fabulous lunch is the one you didn't have to make (see photo)

Happy Monday Morning!

Hi readers,
In deep thought about how to improve this workweek (a process that starts every Monday at around 9:02 AM) , I decided nothing says "You're special! You're funny! Have a great day!"...like looking at the funniest memes on the internet.  Grab an extra cup of coffee and enjoy.






STAY FABULOUS! 



Sunday, May 3, 2015

Best Strength Training for Women

Hi readers,

Ahhhhh, strength training.  That blissful 20 minutes 10 minutes time at the gym where I get to sit on an exercise ball, bouncing around and looking at Instagram reading the NY Times on my phone.  Sometimes, I like to alternate between sitting on an exercise ball and lying on a squishy "nap mat", depending on how I feel.  

What do you mean "that's not how you do strength training"?  

Okay, okay, I know that's not how you do strength training.  But the PROBLEM is that strength training is BORING.  I would rather be bouncing on an exercise ball and inventing clever, hilarious emoji expression combinations to use in witty texting banter.  

However, in the interest of trying to look amazing presentable in a bathing suit in a few short weeks, I am attempting to redefine my relationship with squats, kettleballs and TRX training equipment. 

(Sidenote: My current relationship with TRX training equipment consists of me looking at it across the room from my post as queen as the girls-bouncing-on-exercise-balls, but it looks amazing, like something really fit people use.  See below.)



Recently I found myself deep in thought during a "strength training session" at my hotel in Amsterdam.  (Related: Always use the fitness room when you stay in a hotel.  You need to work out after your hotel buffet breakfast

I realized the thing that makes strength training most boring is all the counting.  The only gym math I want to do is to figure out how many calories worth of wine and cheese healthy low-calorie, high-protein granola I can consume after.  Counting is serious and boring.  I do not go to the gym for serious and boring.  I do not go ANYWHERE for serious and boring. 

Here is how to NOT count during strength training for a totally good-enough workout: 

5 Steps to Excellent and Enjoyable Strength Training for Women

1) Download a fun workout playlist with about 20 songs (some ideas from Fitness magazine here
2) Figure out roughly how many sit-ups, push-ups, lunges, etc, you do during a 1-minute interval.
3) Get all the equipment you need to do a "circuit" of 5-10 exercises (weights for arms, a mat or exercise ball for sit-ups, a kettleball to hold for squats, a bosu ball for lunges.  Yes, seriously.  Do it.)
4) Play your playlist as you go through your exercises.  Stop each song after a minute and switch exercises. 
5) Done.  Congratulations, you just spend 20 minutes working out! How many of each exercise did you complete?  Who cares?! More than you would have if you were sitting on your couch! Go eat a banana. 

Stay fabulous! 

Post your favorite workout tips below. 


Top 5 Things to do in Amsterdam

Hi readers,
Happy European Labor Day weekend! The journey is the Netherlands continues--read on for the (PG-rated) list of my top five favorite things in Amsterdam and some photos.

Related:
May Flowers (Tulips from the Keukenhof gardens),
a breakfast post with a photo of Dutch bread sprinkles

TOP 5 AMSTERDAM ACTIVITIES (PG VERSION)

1.  Anne Frank House.  Buy tickets in advance for this.  The tour takes you through the house where the Frank family and their friends hid for almost 2 years during the Nazi occupation.  The original copies of Anne's diaries are there, as well as tremendously poignant footage from Anne's father Otto Frank, and the office staff that helped to keep them in hiding.  

2.  Van Gogh museum.  This collection does a wonderful job of walking the audience through the live and experiences of Vincent Van Gogh, his family and his contemporaries.  Buy tickets in advance for this.  (Side note: buy tickets in advance for everything in major cities, always) 


3.  Vondelpark.  I love city parks and this is a great one.  Located close to the museum district, Vondelpark creates a peaceful oasis in the middle of surprisingly busy Amsterdam.  The park is great size for a long walk (you could loop the park in about an hour) on a sunny day and has lots of places to stop for a picnic (or cafes to stop for a glass of wine.  There are interesting art/sculpture displays,  relaxing water features (see photo) and great bike trails.  This is a great stop for a few hours of relaxing--bring a book and your sense of self-righteous judgement for some great people watching.



4.  Get samples.  Dutch people are super friendly.  This extends to earnest in-flight conversations about fun tourist activities, thoughtful directions to major sites and lots of friendly banter with bus drivers.  Most importantly, this extends to their food and grocery culture.  You will pass by adorable cheese shops every few blocks.  Try all the cheese.  Go into grocery stores (to look for Dutch bread sprinkles of course).  Try everything at the meat and fish counters.  Go to Urban Cacao (the best chocolate in Amsterdam).  Try all the chocolate.  You get the idea. 


5.  Go to a "brown bar" for a drink.  The cool, older cousin of the frantic Amsterdam coffeehouse scene, brown bars are historic Dutch pubs sprinkled through Amsterdam with a great selection of beer, craft liquor and Dutch bar food.  It's a fun atmosphere to unwind and soak up a little bit of Dutch culture.  Check out this 10 Best List for some recommendations-we tried Arendsnest and had a great time (beer list in picture)










Next time...a canal trip : )





What activities have you liked in Amsterdam or the Netherlands?  Comment or link to articles below! 




Friday, May 1, 2015

May Flowers

Happy May! Some tulip photos from From a perfect morning at the famous Keukenhof flower garden to celebrate:









Link to Keukenhof gardens:
http://www.keukenhof.nl/en/