What Defines You?

Hi readers, 

On Sundays I enjoy doing nothing.  The nothing takes many forms-walks, lunch, pedicures.  Recently, I've branched out Sunday "nothing" to include documentary films on iTunes.  In this vein, during the latest quest of nothing I discovered Lizzie Velasquez.  She's 26 and weighs 64 pounds due to a rare congenital disease.  She gave a TED Talk in 2013 about a YouTube video labeling her "The World's Ugliest Girl", which went viral complete with thousands of comments from strangers demanding that she kill herself.  In her TED Talk, she said when she considered how to deal with the video, she asked herself the question:

What Defines You?

It's a difficult query.  I continued my Sunday nothing with the question in the back of my mind.  

I love John Steinbeck.    

I'm good at running. 

I'm bad at ironing.  

I'm planning a trip to Palma de Mallorca. 

I make to-do lists with ridiculous items like "drink coffee", because I love crossing things off. 

I play the keyboard for 10 minutes every morning. 

But at the end of the day, what defines me is not the things I do or the things I like of the things I read.  It's the things I want.  All my actions/books/movements are (or at least should be) linked to helping me reach my goals:

I want to be happy.

I want to make a positive impact on the world. 

These desires are linked to a deeper definition that fleeting actions.  They are the values I use to define success and accomplishment.  If I live with this definition of myself close to my mind, my actions feel more meaningful. 

What Defines You?

Menu del Día

HI readers,

Something interesting about living in Spain:

People here love lunch. It often starts at 3 PM and lasts until dinner. In summer, work stops at 2 PM and lunch and a mandatory nap are often the only activities left in the day.  The nap is mandatory because the "lunch" is a 3-course affair that begins with paella and ends with tarta de queso (figure it out).  And coffee. And free shots of weird herbal liquor.

In my observation, this Spanish tradition varies from the New York City restaurant experience in several important ways:

1.  Spanish restaurants are affordable.
2.  Actually, Spanish restaurants are stupid cheap.
3.  For example, a glass of wine in a Spanish restaurant costs $1 and comes with free food.
4.  3-course Spanish lunch costs $10-$15.
5.  3-course brunch at Jane NYC costs $100-$1000.
6.  Jane has better Eggs Benedict.
7.  I do love Eggs Benedict.
8.  I would be hungry right now except I had 3-course Saturday lunch. For $13.

iPhone Rules

Hi readers,

The last time I purchased an mobile phone was in 2012.

My beloved Droid 3 had finally broken beyond repair.  I strolled to the Verizon store on 3rd Avenue, convincing myself that change was good.  The panic welling was the same as when I was five and my parents would decide to "upgrade" our refrigerator.  I still have an old-dog eared picture of my tearful, scraggly five-year-old self next to my cherished, ancient refrigerator during our lengthy goodbye.

The nice salesman at the Verizon store was very patient.  He explained at least 3 times that they no longer sold a hybrid keyboard/touch screen phone (gone the way of the Blackberry).  He used slightly different language in each explanation, clearly hoping to get through to me.

I walked out after a lengthy retail-based therapy session with an iPhone 5, feeling like a woman of the future.  I plugged my phone into my computer.  I took a panoramic photo.  I iMessaged.  I FaceTimed.  I became a gleeful member of the iPhone-Steve-Jobs-emoji-alphabet-cult.

For years I have used my phone for everything from calendar reminders to delightfully in accurate Fitness Pal logs to companionship.  In light of the new iPhone 6S-Plus-super-star-rose-gold-whatever with the weird big brother camera, I have been reflecting on my existence as A Person With A Mobile Phone.

I think my cell phone causes some stress in my life. It's time to find the balance between "I-need-my-phone-to-communicate-with-others" and "I-need-my-phone-in-my-hand-at-all-times-incase-something-interesting-happens-on-Instagram".

First, I am going to keep my phone an airplane mode during the day.  I work, frantically, for 10 hours a day. Anything happening on my whatsapp/iMessage/personal email is not necessary. Second, I am not going to use my phone while I'm walking. I think this will have a direct effect on my observational abilities as well as general friendliness and not walking things. Third, I am deleting Facebook. Again.

Not Instagram.  Obviously. 

Hope...in the Face of Monday

Hi readers,

Seriously you guys have got to get going on this "Wait But Why?" thing. It's changing my life.  The latest series of articles (on Tesla Motors and Space X) have given me a naive, college-freshman-level hope about the state of the world.  

For me, hope has been difficult to find since college. Granted, for me, "college" was four years of debt-free, chaotic, passionate environmental learning in the idealistic environs of Boulder, Colorado.

I was going to be a lawyer and change the world! I believed it every day. I launched environmental campaigns, eradication-of-world-hunger campaigns, Earth Day campaigns, stop-cutting-down-the-rainforest campaigns, pay-more-attention-to-my-campaign campaigns, etc. LOVED campaigns.

I became the collegiate vice president of the Colorado public interest research groups, I stormed the department when they were accused of firing one of my most sensational professors (LOVED storming things!), I learned calculus, I went to office hours. I talked to small groups of like-minded people (which is the best way imaginable to believe you are having an impact on things).

I loved school.

It ended.

I started work. I talked to different types of people. I started to see their point of view. I was able to have a rational conversation with a political conservative. Sometimes I even agreed with them. The amount of waste produced by an airplane flight broke my heart a little less each time. I stopped refusing to buy coffee in plastic cups...because it was easy and I was tired and I didn't want to carry around some big, dumb cup all day. I started eating meat again.

I was growing up and walking on the level ground of environmental mediocrity. In most respects, I am more environmentally conscious than most people I know. I don't buy plastic water bottles...much. I almost always refuse plastic shopping bags.

By somewhere along the way, I lost the big picture. I am not trying to change the world anymore, I'm merely trying to live in it. 

Enter Elon Musk.

He's a super hero. A real life Tony Stark. When I started reading the backstory of Tesla motors, I felt something welling up in me that I hadn't felt in a long time. Passion. This is a hope for the future. If you need some too, read the article...read the article...read the article.

Will give you some hope for an otherwise pretty average Monday.

Saturday Plans

Hi readers,

The first day of school was a smashing success.  More importantly, the first day of school was on a FRIDAY, so I am already faced with the first of 42 (but who's counting?) glorious weekends to relax and do wonderful things.

An example of how I plan a relaxing weekend below:

Conversation with self, Wednesday 10 PM.
"Oh, there is a language exchange hike outside of the city this Saturday! It is only 90 minutes traveling each way.  I should definitely do that because I might never be able to go hiking again! And I will get back with at least 15 minutes to run home, shower and change for dinner.  Ohhh, and if I got up a little EARLIER on Saturday, I would have some time to practice the piano.  If I don't practice this weekend I might forget everything I ever knew about piano.  Then I could drink coffee and relax--let's schedule 5 minutes for that between showering and getting dressed...."

I have mentioned before I'm bad at relaxing.  I'm apparently also becoming more self-aware in my old age because this week during my schizophrenic mental board meeting, I stopped to consider the idea that this plan sounded slightly overambitious.

Revised conversation with self, Wednesday 10:20 PM:
"Okay, I don't think I will go hiking this weekend.  There are 41 more weekends.  I might be able to do it another time.  I would really like to write this weekend.  It might also be nice to lay in the park and read a book.  I've done that before and its lovely."

I constantly try to do everything.  The problem becomes compounded on the weekend, because I have to try to do everything in only 72 hours.  Instead of making me happy and relaxed and grateful, it makes me a hot, crazy mess.  Not in that cute, flustered sitcom character way, but more in that foamy-mouth, rabid, murderous squirrel way. (see photo)

This weekend I am fighting to overcome my inner rabid squirrel and replace her with a slightly more Zen type of spirit animal.  Maybe a relaxing orangutan?  (See nicer, more relaxing photo)

Happy New Year

Hi readers,

Teachers (in their adorable, dorky teacher way) like to say "Happy New Year!" when they see each other in September.  I started hearing the phrase almost immediately when I went back to work 2 days ago.  This "Happy New Year" business means two things:

Fact 1: I moved to Spain a year ago.

Fact 2: SCHOOL IS STARTING.

Literally: school is starting in 24 hours.  What I really should be doing is rooting myself in the reality of Fact 2 and frantically preparing course materials, lab manuals, neatly organizing stacks of colored index cards, etc.  Instead, I have been lingering around in the dreamy realities of Fact 1 and spending the last hours of summer drinking wine, taking walks and reflecting on the last 365 days.

The events of 2015 are forever joined in my mind by the thread of my relentless attempts to learn Spanish.  In the past 12 months I have accumulated 4 Spanish translation apps, 3 language podcasts, 2 online video subscriptions and 1 Shakira album.  I have approximately 397 hours engaged in classes, note-taking, conversation and Spanish television shows.

The nicest thing anyone has ever said regarding my efforts is that I am able to "make myself understood".  They said it in English.

I spend a lot of time with a confused smile on my face, inviting conversation I don't understand then frantically nodding and watching carefully for hand gestures.

Honestly--its been fun.  It's been HARD and frustrating, but also fun.  I am slowly getting better at something new and that is an interesting process.  I'm learning lots about myself.  For example, I learned that I am kind of impatient.  I like to learn new things.  I talk a lot.  I dislike large piles of papers.  I find it very relaxing to listen to podcasts as I fall asleep.

Flannery O'Connor once said "...something is bound to happen; and you don't have to know what before you begin." Granted, she's a writer (who writes in English) and she was talking about how she invents the characters in her novels (again in English) but I think the idea is related. 

Maybe that is why I feel so relaxed about the start of a new year. I never could have imagined the things that happened last year. I never could have imagined that it would take 6 months to figure out how to order coffee I like, or that I would talk about milk in 7,000 different Spanish expressions or that my most successful language missions would take place walking next to a highway with a 54 year old Russian woman in Northern Spain. 

I'm happy not to know what's going to happen this year. It's exciting. 

Happy New Year! Off to focus on the whole 'job' thing for the day.